In the 2EWO, someone was using the Wolfpac (then fairly popular) as their characters... However, the person who played them quit the fed - and in the middle of a very big angle/push... The Prez was miffed, and decided to 'explain' why the Wolfpac never showed up for their big match...
So he gave them to me...
Now, I respect the careers of 'Hulk', 'Machoman', 'Undertaker', and the 'Total Package'... But I never really LIKED ANY of them... Well, the Slim Jim commercials with the 'Wrestling VS. X-Games Extreme Challenge' were funny, but I digress.
that all Fantasy Roleplay Wrestling is considered in 'AU', which is to
say 'Alternate Universes'... This is to allow dinks that want to see the
Rock fight Tommy Dreamer do so without having 'The People's Champion'
slum it, or having 'The Innovator of Violence' sell out... It also
allows such characters as Bobo Fiendish to carve out a niche without getting
the Electric Chair, so I guess it isn't ALL bad. This allows such stories
as below to be... Further, no E-Fed Bobo is in can have Luger, Savage,
Hogan, or Calloway in them - it's the only requirement for my membership,
and one I insist on not only so I don't have to see 'Ooooooohhh,
Yeah!' in my Inbox, but for the sake of
My name is Lionel Thetyme, and I was assigned to a newcomer to the federation. A man - if you could call him that - named Bobo Fiendish... His real name is obscured by time. If he had any family, they're either dead or well hidden by federal witness relocation... The man is a cold-blooded killer with the remorseless ferocity of a wounded alligator. He has 74 known victims to his credit. In fact, in a previous interview, he hinted that 74 might not be an accurate tally... In prison he had been involved in several altercations while serving 42 consecutive life-sentences. The warden decided to kill two birds with one stone, and entered Bobo in the illegal pitfighting circuits - no doubt with the hope that Fiendish would be killed himself.
Bobo, however, decided that he liked it... Several additional victims later, among them seven opponents, a promoter, five guards, and the selfsame warden that had entered him into the arena, and Bobo was free... He carved a path of blood and violence across three states before TURNING HIMSELF IN... It seems he decided that the police would never catch him by themselves, and he was getting bored with it.
However, our promotor, being something of a sensationalist, decided that Bobo would add an edge to his hardcore wrestling federation, and so made several deals... Thus it was that Bobo was allowed to wrestle in the EEWO, under two conditions:
1) Bobo would never personally profit from wrestling. Instead, the money he earned would be placed in a fund for the the survivors of his bloody past.
2) Bobo would never be set free, except for when he wrestled. All other time was to be spent in a portable maximum security chamber, surrounded by guards...
Unfortunately, EEWO kind of messed up on that second one....
This is what happened....
Bodies were flying everywhere, folks... Security personnel, prison guards, orderlies... None of them were likely to stand in the way of this Quartet of Doom again anytime soon... Gas Chamber seemed to have the point, with the fathers at middle guard and the sister at flank, and they actually WENT IN TO BOBO'S CELL! People, I've seen this piranha in action, and I actually feared for these four's safety...
There was some shouting inside the cell, and what sounded like a scuffle... I could only hope that these four weren't doing what I thought they were doing... Then we were startled by the doors to Bobo's cell being thrown open, as two more officers were unceremoniously catapulted through them and into the hallway wall... Then, there was silence....
AND THEN THERE WERE FIVE!
I can't believe they were doing this, even after I SAW IT, but the Heaven's Messengers were actually LIBERATING BOBO FIENDISH! Bobo and Gas Chamber had point, with the rest close behind; and then they saw us... People, I can tell you in all honesty that several of my camera crew, as well as myself, lost control of certain bodily functions...
"This one I know,"
said Bobo to the others. He then turned to me and said, "Hello,
my intended.... It seems we meet again. This pleases me, as you shall be
my instrument this day... You shall bear witness to the coming End Times..."
"Verily," agreed Father Pain, "as it says in Matthew Chapter 25, Verses 31, 32 and 33."
"When the Son of man shall come in his glory," recited Father Punishment, "and all his holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of Glory...."
"And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall shepherd them one from another," continued Sister Sensuous. "As a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats..."
"And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left," concluded Father Pain solemnly.
I was flummoxed, folks... Totally dumbstruck... I stared blankly at the man closest to me, who was Gas Chamber... I didn't know what to make of it, and was in need of answers... Answers came...
"Lemme guess, reportah," snickered GC. "You wanna kno what the Faddahs mean, ya? I'll tell ya... There's too much bull$#!t here, and we've decided to do God's work... Maybe Darwins... I ferget... Anyway, we're gonna do some mad a$$ massacre on these posers in this fed, and we're starting wit' yer s'posedta b Wolfpac..."
"Time grows short," urged Bobo. "My intended arrive..."
"Then we shall go and begin our Crusade," nodded Pain. "You, reporter, shall serve us and show the world that the end is near for the unfaithful..."
I was gathered up like a child and carried upstairs, along with the crew... We stopped in the parking lot, and ducked behind some ashcans as a black and red limo pulled up, and Randy Savage and Lex Luger got out... They seemed eager to get into their handicap match with Bobo, which only proved to me just how crazy they were... Yes, folks, WERE...
They didn't get three steps before they
were beset by the Heaven's Messengers, along with GC... Bobo hung back,
as if appraising what his ersatz allies were capable of... It was brutal.
I've seen dogs put down with more compassion than Lex and Randy got from
the HMs... They were stomping them into the ground like ants, folks, and
would have probably kept doing it if not for an alarm from one of their
"We must go," said Pain sadly as he blessed the writhing, bloody forms of Luger and Savage. "God's work calls us elsewhere..."
"Brother Gas Chamber," said Sister Sensuous, "please see that these two lost souls recieve their Final Rites..."
"Sure, whatever," nodded GC. "Have fun..."
"Brother Gas Chamber," said Bobo as the priests left. "For what purpose did your group free me?"
"Well," said GC, "we we're gonna just leave you alone, but when the faddahs heard you call yaself the Angel of Death Most Exalted, they got all excited... Said that maybe you were what they needed to truly Reconcile the fed... I figured what the hey? It could be cool having someone besides those three scripture thumpas to chat wit', nahmean?"
"All too well," agreed Bobo. "I owe you four for my freedom, so for now, I shall aid your quest.... Just do not presume that my debt forces me to bend a knee, and we shall get along fine..."
"Well, as far as I can tell, the only one giving any orders is their God... But he don' talk 2 me much. nahmean...."
"Indeed. But if you would be so kind as to turn your head?"
"It's a witness thing," explained Bobo as he reached for Randy Savage's helpless form...
"Gotcha," said GC as he turned away...
"YOU!" shouted Bobo. "Point the camera straight up!" My camera man complied, and the rest of us turned away as GC did.... We were treated to the sound of vertebrae coming away from each other, as well as the muted shrieks of team Wolfpack... "You can look now," sighed Bobo. We did. It was all I could do not to puke...
Randy Savage looked like a rag doll that lost alot of stuffing... He was lazily strewn about as if he were a forgotten toy... Lex was bent backward, and his head was squarely between his ankles... I knew that neither of these men were making a comeback. Ever.
THAT's when I puked...
"Pfohl and Poffo are the first," said Bobo conversationally... "But they won't be the last... You're welcome... See you soon...."