Well, as you can see, my words have had the desired effect... Yurine puts up a brave front while he gets his affairs in order, doesn't he? Heh. I hear the commentators nicknamed you '4S' for short... I wonder if they pronounce that 'Four-Ess' as in 'RUN, FourEss, RUN!', or 'Fours' as in 'Abuse the Fours...'? Truly a point to ponder, don't you agree?

Also, since I'm such an upstanding and ethical man, I gave the insurance company a call regarding a little church fire... As I suspected, they do not offer arson insurance, and have cancelled the good Fathers' policy - plus the check they're sitting by the mailbox for as well... Too bad the incendiary detonator didn't have any fingerprints on it, though... Heh. You might think Bobo did this because he dislikes these priests, but the opposite is true.... How can I sit idly by as these little lambs prepare to descend into sin? I can't, of course. So, to save them from the dark road, I intervened.... I KNOW they appreciate it... Heh.

Let me now utilize this moment to speak to Yuri's sensible side... Mother Russia... Do you think Superfly is gonna let you get any more of these high-profile johns like 'Snookie' anytime soon? (Didn't know the Hotel No-Tell was bugged, didja?) You've got a lot to lose once your meal-ticket gets himself killed, don'tcha, honey? It's back to the docks for you... Of course, there's an upside to that as nobody will notice the smell of fish, but I digress... Sure, it's admirable that these Soviet scientists have managed to patch up your 'Snookie', but let's remember something else that Advanced Soviet Science (ASS for brevity) patched up...

MIR.

Need I say more? Good, I knew you were smarter than you look... This pleases me...

Now to business... Yuri, you go on and on about being cheated here and there... You want to share the tag straps with Babble? Fine. Just beat GC and Caster... You should be able to fit that in between curing cancer and accepting your Nobel prize for self-delusion, easy... You want to show everyone what a true Soviet champion is? Bring your Best of Nikita Koloff tapes... I think he held the NWA's US strap for a couple weeks in his lengthy career... Add in the three or four days he was a tag champ and you might have about a half hour of highlights... Tops. That isn't to suggest that you pinkos are boring, or anything... Far be it from me to suggest such a thing, when it's so much more effective and accurate to SAY IT OUTRIGHT... So, you see, 'Snookie', the Russian Front has lost alot of the magic that made it such a threat in Hitler's day... Of course, what do you expect when those guys are all pushing eighty...? But I digress...

Well, then... Alot of you are wondering whether I can make Yuri's bones into a shape more pleasing to the eye before he swallows his tongue or chokes on his blood... Don't worry, though... I took a brush-up course on sculpture - even paid PARTICULAR attention to the use of WIRE MODELS for this match - just to make sure... Heh. I'm thinking something hovering between Quasimodern and Quasimodo... Although the Infinity Symbol would be appropros... As a symbol to how much time we'll have to wait before anything comes along that can - in it's wildest dreams - defeat me... I love symbolism. Heh.

Yuri, Marx my words... We're tired of your bolshevik... You'll be Lenin on a crutch after our match... I'm going to knock your Koloff into the sixth row, and leave you Rasputin teeth... Czar's nothing you can do... You're Gorbachev...

Heh.

Soon, I will undertake the biggest challenge of my career... Shutting your perpetual piehole of prodigious prevarication and propaganda... I'm sure ASS can probably hook it up to a 9volt to substitute your Sub-Standard Soviet Stem, though. However, we haven't really seen your brain and your mouth work in tandem as yet, have we? We're probably never going to, either, since the two of those parts of Yuri will be downgraded from 'Living Together' to 'Irreconcilably Separated' this Saturday night... I plan to cram Yurine's greymatter into a bottle - once I find one small enough to keep it from rattling around like a ball bearing in a boxcar, that is... But I digress...

Luckily, Soviet Science doesn't worry about such trifling details, do they? No, clearly not... Maybe that's why they built a space station without a renewable oxygen source, eh? Here's a hint, Yur... Plants... Hydroponics... Take a couple potted ferns to your Russian Space Program, and they'll probably make you director or something... Or at least give you the day off on the Gilligan crank in that Moscow powerplant.... Won't that be grand? Hell, if they send the plants to space right away, they might have a chance... After all, we see how well Russian soil is inclined to produce argiculturally everytime we have to fire up the Cessna's and drop over some of our own Amber Waves.... But I digress.... No sense calling a donkey a donkey when he KNOWS what he is already, right? Right.

So, in closing, let me thank the President for allowing me to do my part to stop noise pollution... I'm sure everyone appreciates it - except maybe Babble, who would have to know that he's next - and Yuri's family, who I hear will be shipped to the Gulag when he fails... To everyone else:

You're welcome... See you SOON.