Hello, my intended...

Well, what a night we had Saturday, huh? Enough action for at least three of Teddy's lame pay-per-views.... But I digress... It seems that through the magic of the Free-Agent initiative - as well as certain stipulations - the Commies and the Dark Stars have had a little shuffle in their respective rosters...

Azmodeis.... Personally, I can't imagine why you'd turn on your fellow Dark Stars... Maybe it's Strap Envy, I dunno... But to actually go over to BABBLE's side? It boggles the mind... Maybe you were drunk? Who knows? More importantly... WHO CARES!? You want to put your bid in for the Benedict Award? Consider THAT motion SECONDED, Smiley. We're going to dance, you and I, and SOON... Not because you're one of the only people in this fed that I haven't gotten around to CRUSHING, oh no... Right now, I could care LESS what the FANS want to see... But because YOU, Smiley, had the unmitigated GALL to stay the hand of YOUR KING while he was about to remove a STAIN... And as we all know, those who don't pay proper respect to their lord DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!

Ahem... Such weighty matters... I think I require some entertainment... BRING FORTH THE DANCING BEAR!

<snicker> Bring forth the dancing bear!

<chuckle> Aight... One dancing bear, coming up...

This pleases me... As you know, because nothing is free - even in Communism - my good friend Yurine has decided to sign on as a Junior Member of the Dark Stars... A... Pledge... So to speak... Heh.

NYET! I refuse to be so humiliated by you bastards... Stalingrad does NOT dance...

U juss gotta get used 2 the high heels, yo... Now GET OUT THERE and DANCE!

OOF!

There she is.... Mother Ru-Shi-Ah....

Caster! You never told me you could sing...

You never asked.

Touche'...

I am absolutely mortified, Fiendish... Is it not enough that you defeated me? Why must you dishonor me so with this... Farce?

I don't recall asking for a TALKING bear... DANCE, YOU!

What if I refuse?

Well, then you get to do the new sponsor's promo...

Which giant corporation have you decided to help disenfranchise the masses THIS time, Fiendish?

I'm GLAD you asked... Caster, who IS this week's sponsor?

Well, Bobo, this week it's Mrs.Smith's Apple Pie... Because Stallie refuses to dance, he gets to show everybody in TV Land how much he LOVES the Homemade, Wholesome Goodness of Mrs. Smith's Pies...

Bosche moi... Is it too late to dance?

I'm afraid so... Grab a spork and dig in, so we can all see how much you love that Homemade, Wholesome Goodness...

Bobo, this pie was manufactured in a factory... The 'homemade' aspect is simply deceptive marketing used to bamboozle the working class... From the smell of this... approximation of a pie, I'm guessing that 'wholesome' and 'goodness' are similar lies....

Mrs Smith will cry if you keep ragging on her pies, Yurine... You don't want to make an old lady cry, do you?

There IS no Mrs. Smith, Bobo! It's all a bunch of - SRMMMF!

Now CHEW, you heartless bastard! You should be horse-whipped... Making an old lady cry... The NERVE.... Now, SWALLOW! That's it...

<cough!> You could have SUFFOCATED me... Holding me face down in that... That...

We have MORE, you know...

Ahem... Delicious... Wholesome... Apple... Pie...

'Atta boy... Now apologize to Mrs. Smith for hurting her feelings...

But...

I SAID SAY YOU'RE SORRY!

Sigh... I humbly beg forgiveness from... Mrs. Smith... I did not mean to... Make you cry... I'm.... Sorry...

Good boy! That deserves a treat....

Please... No...

ANOTHER delicious Mrs. Smith Apple Pie! There you go! Dig in!

I will hate you forever.... I vow that you will - SRMMMF!

'Atta Boy... Eat every bit... Heh. What's next on the humiliation agenda?

Well, according to the list, he has to scrub the basement out with a toothbrush while singing the Star Spangled Banner.... Then he gets to arrange the extensive video-game collection both alphabetically AND chronologically... THEN he gets to build a 10x12 shed outside using nothing but Lincoln Logs (the All American Building Toy), and THEN he can go to WORK...

This pleases me... All done, boy?

<GASP!> You MANIAC! <cough!> You could've killed me! <ptui!>

Oh well... Better luck next time, right? Off you go, now... You have a VERY busy day ahead....

This isn't over, Fiendish... I'll make you pay for this... Somehow...

He wants revenge... Awwww.... That's soooo cuuute... Move along now... There you go... Good boy... Fix your skirt... Heh.

If it takes a thousand years... You will PAY for this... OOF!

U heard um, Ma... U gots a basement 2 scrub... Let's go... <chuckle> Get up! U'll get the hang of those heels if u practice... Here's ur brush...

I am NOT going into ANY basement...

Sheesh... Dat Spanish girl dint make HALF as much fuss... Lemme get the door 4 ya...

WAIT! NOOOOO!

<CRASH! BUMP! THUD! BTANG!>

Careful... Doze steps're a little steep... HAHAHAHAHA!

Well, that WAS entertaining... Caster, where was I?

<snicker> Uh.... Azmodeis... He... He... HEE HEE HEE!

Compose yourself, Caster... There's still lots of show to do.... Now then, since Verbal no longer has a partner as such, and nobody wants to see you and Gas Chamber beat up Zuzu and Smokey... AGAIN... We'll have to find you two somebody to fight with next week... Hmmm.... But who?

Well, that Blue Manta guy still wants a piece of me... Maybe him and... I dunno... Tiger?

Sounds like Caster is declaring war on Lilliput, doesn't it folks?

Well, since you're so smart, who SHOULD we fight for our title defense?

Hmmm... I guess we'll have to get the old fishbowl out.... Let's see.... Lemme just reach in, and see who today's lucky contestants are... Contestant number one is.... Bummer....

Who?

Blue Manta.... Sheesh... We need to find a more scientific method to pick tag teams... But I digress... Contestant number two... Oh GOODY...

Well?

AZMODEIS.... Heh. Looks like after Gas Chamber beats him up this Saturday, he'll get ANOTHER tanning with only that Fishie to save him... Isn't that just the GINCHIEST? Heh. THEN, just because Bobo doesn't like to be left out, I'LL thrash him brutally about like a red-wearing stepson for my nominal title defense... Hope you've been eating your Cheerios, Azmo, because when you're done running the ol' Dark Star gauntlet you'll have to enjoy every meal after that INTRAVENOUSLY... Better get those sleeves rolled up now... Heh. You see, we Dark Stars have a code... A set of rules to live - and DIE - by, my red-faced friend - just like ANY family... And one of them, of course, is NEVER TAKES SIDES AGAINST THE FAMILY! You broke a VERY important rule, Azmo... Now, we're going to have to break some very important BONES... It hurts us to have to do this, mind you, but you had your chance, @$$HOLE, and you BLEW it! Who needs ya? Well, maybe some organ recipients, but I digress...

As for his... little friend for that tag match, well, "Saludos de  Muerte Dama, Nino"... Heh...

Bobo! You never told me you were a polyglot.

You never asked.

We're even, then...

This pleases me... Well, then vato, you really must be estupido gigante to want to mix it up with a guy that's twice your size, but what the hell... You only live once... You just don't want to live LONG, I guess... Fine. More oxygen for the rest of us... Heh. You and Azmodeis are going to serve as EXAMPLES to the rest of the chaff in this fed... The horrible bashing you and Azmodeis will get next week will further cement our COMPLETE domination of the Nightmare Wrestling Foundation... You've already seen that even if all of you mutts combine forces, you're no match for US... Two at a time will prove NO challenge... By the way, if Azmo thinks he's still got that Demon Gang in his pocket, he's in for a rude shock... Even DEMONS must bend a knee to the Angel of Death Most Exalted, and they did that DAMN quick, Azmo... That whistle has a better chance of calling the cops, now... Heh. Of course, for what THEY get paid, don't expect them to rush out and help....

Oops... Bobo... We're almost out of time... You still have to do the Helpful Tip of the Week....

Thanks ever so, Caster... The tip for the week is... Never agree to something you're not prepared to see through.... A man's word is what separates him from the animals... If his word has no value, then he's no better than a dog, or similar lowly critter...

Amen.

And that's all the time we have, folks, so from the whole gang here at the secret hideout...

You're welcome... See you SOON.