Whither Thou Goest, There Shall I Follow

A strangely cold wind blows down the nearly deserted street, and we see a solitary figure striding down it in the distance. As he gets closer, it seems apparent that he's searching for someone or something, and that he wears a gold champion-style belt draped on either shoulder. Since these belts are obviously from 'other' feds, a mosaic blur obscures them from identification. He catches sight of a tattered poster on the wall, and rips it down for a closer look... The parabolic boom mike barely picks up the stranger's comment:

This pleases me.

He carefully folds the poster and tucks it away in his shirt pocket, and continues his trek. The camera tries to keep this odd figure in sight, but he disappears behind a wall. The cameraman moves to intercept this stranger and perhaps see who he is, but a shadow stretches past  - indicating someone is behind him! He whirls reflexively to see who it is, and we see a large man in tattered prison fatigues with wild hair and several belts on his person. He shakes a scolding finger at the plucky crewman and speaks...

Hello, my intended.

W-who are you?

I am the Angel of Death MOST EXALTED. The Omega Supreme. The original Dark Angel... I am Bobo Quite Fiendish.

Allllll-righty. Mom had a sense of humor, huh?

Not that I was aware of, but I digress... Tell me, for whom do you scurry about in the streets with yon camera equipment?

Uh... I work for the STWF.

Ah... Then this poster must be yours, yes?

Bobo holds up the old poster with a picture of several wrestlers on it, the listed Main Event is Dr. Sillacone M. Plants vs. Niege Thirteen. 'Again' is scribbled below it - obviously by some delinquent, or someone that's seen more than two cards...

Well, not technically mine per se, but it is one of our past cards...

Excellent. And are these two individuals still part of this promotion?

Are you kidding? Sometimes it seems that they ARE this promotion...

Well, then I'm just going to have to go over to this 'STWF' and see to some unfinished business... There are HEAVY debts owed by these two... When the time grew near to collect on their tabs - which is to say, when they ran out of ways to DODGE me, they DEFAULTED and fled to some other area to run up MORE debts they cannot honor... This must be stopped, and I have taken it upon myself to see that all debts are PAID.

Hold on, there, cuz, the STWF is prime-time, y'know? They don't let just ANYBODY in... You gotta have credentials. Lotsa credentials, y'know?

Rest assured, we have credentials... Observe. On my right shoulder is the (censored) Hardcore Title from (censored)... On my left is the (censored) Championship, also from (censored)... Around my waist is the (censored) North American Championship, and in that bag are the (censored) Heavyweight Strap, my half of the (censored) Tag Team straps, and the (censored) World, Television and Hardcore Triple Crown Title...

Wow, you've sure been through alot of feds... That all you got in there? Belts?

No. I also have a Gameboy, a change of clothes and a deck of cards...  Plus my travel-kit with the neatest little folding-handle electric toothbrush and floss holder, but I digress... Er, where was I?

About to explain what you have against Doc Plants and his Niegeness - hopefully before we run out of tape...

Oh, yes... Ahem. Some time ago I made the promotion called (censored) my home, and therein were your Doctor and Niege trying to put some dopey personal feud over... Naturally, since singles feuds are muy passe', I saw fit to explain this to them with a judicious application of Bobo's Boot... Seeing that they were completely out-classed against such as ourselves, they fled - and the greasy brown trail leads here.

Niege was the first to flee - arguably showing himself  somewhat smarter of the two, and the Doc - masking a strong survival instinct with some lame 'going after him' line of cheese - fled right after. We don't blame them, mind you... If I were as PITIFUL as they, and something as MIGHTY as ourselves showed up, I'd probably sneak out of the hotel in the middle of the night myself... But then again, if I were as pitiful as they, I'd probably do the world a favor and put my head in the oven... We have an uncanny ability to totally demoralize our competition - or whatever they can get as a substitute for some - which happens invariably after they compare themselves to us... I have been the destruction of every fed I've been in, as the chattel that are the lesser beings see that they cannot match us and take up safer professions - like disarming bombs and such...

I dunno, cuz... STWF is chock full of toughguys that'd love to add a guy with your clout to their resume'...

We shall not turn them away, surely... There's room for all on Bobo's Wild Ride... And to SPARE.

Nobody leaves empty-handed...

Everybody gets a PRIZE...

Today's prize is a new identity - generously provided by the Federal Relocation Program... Assuming there's anything left of them to jump on the plane to Guam... Heh.

Dude, you talk like you're some kinda sinister monster or something...

Well, aren't WE the perceptive one? This pleases me. Know this... Bobo Q. Fiendish has dozens of belts that show he has been considered the best, but these are of no consequence... What I desire is to be the LAST. I have done this in many promotions by frightening the SHEEP that POLLUTE my sport to their core until they could no longer resist their survival instinct and either took flight or dared CHALLENGE their BETTERS and paid the PRICE of their HUBRIS... I regard the cowards Niege and Plants as one does ANY prize fish that avoids one's snares and lures. They escaped THIS time, but there is ALWAYS another time... If one has patience, all things are possible.. I will have their tattered carcasses hollowed out for my grisly TROPHIES, and God save ANYTHING foolish enough to get in my way. PERIOD.

They fled from MY home, (censored), where their antics were considered the cat's meow until I showed the people the manner in which a CHAMPION acts... Faced with the TRUTH they fled, as any snake oil salesmen does before the marks realize that they've been had.

Now the man, the myth, the MONSTER that IS the Angel of DEATH MOST EXALTED comes to THEIR home. Now they have NOWHERE to flee to like they did before... Bobo has come to where these weasels rut, and he shall see to it that the weasels go POP. I PROMISE.

You're welcome... See you SOON.