Hello, my intended...
Well, well, well... Seems I'm to be part of an eight man scramble... This pleases me. As I proved at Full Court Press, no matter HOW piteous my ersatz comrades, the Angel of Death MOST EXALTED shall prove more than mighty enough to dispatch these that foolishly consider themselves worthy of being in the same VENUE as such as I. First, let us consider what the Boss has saddled me with THIS time...
Homicidal Hank. Ah, a crazy... With a murder bent, as well, if his name is any indication. Fine. It's nice to see that I can help such a lout understand how a Psycho-Killer is SUPPOSED to act, and send him packed with knowledge back to whatever back-alley indy fed he sneaked out of to learn at the feet of the Man, the Myth, the MONSTER that is Bobo Quite Fiendish. This pleases me. I'm always happy to help the lesser creatures improve themselves... Heh.
The Amazin' Inbreds. ......Must.... Not... Laugh.... Cousin Junior and Uncle Pa are without a doubt from so far back in the hills that after seeing the likes of Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer during the Rock and Wrestling Era, they left immediately to seek their fortunes in 'rasslin' - and are just getting here NOW. Talk about a country mile, eh? Heh. No matter, even such two-legged pig-sloppers as these shall achieve victory when firmly grasping the coattails of the Angel of Death MOST EXALTED. What's that old saying? Hitch your wagon to a STAR? Fine.
This leads, inevitably, to what those in the know call the 'jobbers'... We already know that Doc Plants couldn't lead ants to a picnic, and wrestles about as skillfully as Grover from Sesame Street - and that may be giving him too much credit, since Grover can turn into Super Grover and be less pathetic. Doc, I hope you've got a new face picked out because I don't think there's going to be enough of your OLD ONE LEFT to reconstruct. You've got a harsh lesson coming, and if you think the likes of your buddies are enough to protect you then you've got TWO harsh lessons coming. Study up, because I teach a HELL of a CRASH COURSE in knowing your PLACE.
Behind him are the unlikely trio that form Chollie's Angle. Heh. Normally, one could say that the team of Patty O'Furniture and Sum Dum Goi - under the adroit tutelage and direction of Mr. Chow Min - could rise to the top ranking... Sure, it'd be a LIE, but one could SAY it.
When I consider the only other Tag Teams are the Fabulous Bleeders and One and a Half Inc., I realize the truth... Contemptible Ethnic Reliance, or whatever you try to call yourself in the King's English, couldn't be considered the top ranking at anything but odor. We've got some moron with Lee Press-On Fingers with a Full Nelson for a FINISHER? It is to laugh. His partner is just some drunk brawler who couldn't make the A List with divine intervention and all the Lucky Charms IN General Mills. And this little pea-pickin' weasel manager whose prior wrestling experience consists of squashing some midget in a rubber suit with the fat can of the Generic Ref? And they face a team that Bobo Fiendish is part of? Doesn't look good, does it? No, clearly not.
So, what does that mean? Well, since the Bad Accent Squad has slighted the Inbreds; their manager annoys everyone, so I guess Hank hates him; and Doc Plants still holds that marker for a Damn Fine Beating courtesy of the Angel of Death Most Exalted. On the other side, The Bad Accent Squad is eager to show they're a worthy tag team... Doc Plants is eager to 'stop' the juggernaut that is Bobo's Wild Ride... And Chollie is just there to make four. Presumably, all that hate and intense drama will generate some heat to accompany the mayhem. Let's give the fans a nice match to make up for the PITIFUL undercard, and maybe they won't ask for ALL their money back... Good idea.
To my comrades for this match, I say this... If you do EXACTLY as you're told, you will have a nice little check in your victory column... If you DON"T, you'll have a nice little check in at the HOSPITAL. Simple, isn't it? Spiffy.
You're welcome. See you SOON.