I know that many of you have been wondering just what I've been up to.
I already KNOW what you're up to... The eighth bottle of peroxide this week. Heh.
I mean, it isn't every day that the sexiest wrestler in BOB decides to pull the silent treatment.
Actually, it HAS been every day... For over a month.
But I've had more important things to do than jabber endlessly to a bunch of no-talent losers! Unlike most of you fools, I actually have a life.
Well, isn't THIS interesting...? So she's had more important things to do, has she? Has a LIFE, does she? It is to laugh... Can't be bothered talking to us since her job at the mall is taking so much of her time, I suppose...
I never did get the chance to brag about my victory over that moron, Justin Voss. Justin, how did it feel being defeated by the greatest athlete to enter this pathetic federation? (she laughs)
WELL, at least she got THAT right... Then he let Barbie make the cover... Heh.
I know. I know. It kinda leaves you speechless, huh? I guess that will teach all of you morons to never underestimate the power of this Sex Siren! That goes for the "women", and I use that term very loosely, in this fed, as well. Von Trapp, you and I won't have a problem as long as you realize that I am the goddess of BOB. As long as you stay in your god-given role as second best, you won't have to worry about me smacking the taste out of your mouth.
Oh, yes... You did SUCH a good job the last time... The way you smacked her across the shoulder with your chin, and then just laid there while she made her escape. She's obviously hiding in the convent so you won't fall on her when you crash... Again.
(she laughs) Who am I kidding?
Definitely not me...
As if I would ever pass up the opportunity to give some old hag a beatdown! But I didn't come here to badmouth Von Trapp. She gets enough of that from the fans when she wobbles to ringside.
Oh? And what DID we come to say? I'm guessing it isn't 'Thanks for protecting me, Bobo...'
I came to issue a challenge to any and all of the wrestlers in BOB. Do any of you have the guts to test yourself against moi? Come one and come all. It doesn't matter if you're man, woman, or filthy beast, I'm an equal opportunity ass kicker! Anyone up to the challenge?
Bobo's eyes narrow as she prattles about with her 'World's Greatest Athlete' schtick, and he finally puts a stop to it with an overhand swipe of the Sock-o-Swag that sends yet another cheap TV to the big Nick-At-Nite. He wheels on the camera and holds up a hand, as if asking for a moment to collect himself. The moment passes, and he speaks...
Hello, my intended...
Well, isn't THIS a kick in the pants? Not that we EXPECTED too much in the way of gratitude, but to completely take credit for pinning a Voss that was ALREADY unconscious when we POURED him into the ring is a bit much... So, she wins one match, and now she's all TOUGH, huh? Wants to toss Challenges around now, eh? It is to laugh...
Well, in response, all I can say is this: Barbie Banner is NO LONGER under my protection. She is on her OWN. Since we SAW what a stellar competitor she is on Thursday's House Show when the Nun left her seeing STARS, you'd have to admit that she's ASKING for it, folks. Give it to her. With my BLESSING. Heh. I'm sure David Hasselhoff carries a grudge against ALL stuck up peroxide blondes that should be seen and not heard, and that's just ONE of no doubt DOZENS of people that would LOVE to pin your ears back, Babs. And judging from your mat skills as presented thus far... Well, kid, it's lucky you already GOT a PRIEST handy.
Personally, I would consider the RIDICULOUS, INANE, ADDLE-PATED ramblings of the Bride to be just another Blonde Joke. But it's so much more... She wants to make an impression, does she? Fine. She can do that at the DENTIST's office when he fits her for her NEW TEETH. She thinks I was threatening HER? What a blonde... In case anyone else out there is as vacuous as Babs, then let me state SUCCINCTLY that when I said 'Accidents Happen to Girls as well as Guys,' it was regarding Mouse vonTrapp. If Babs had just kept her MOUTH shut, she could have made some money, but I guess keeping her mouth shut isn't how she WANTS to earn money. Though, I suppose, swallowing is extra... Heh.
Now then, seeing as how I had to squash the munchkin myself, that means you FAILED to stop the nun from impugning upon my signature match. Therefore, you get NO CASH, Babs. Sorry, but at least you get a consolation prize...
A Damn Fine BEATING - Courtesy of the Angel of Death Most Exalted.
The stakes are thus... Remember that two-hundred seventy-eight bucks I WAS going to give Barbie? Well, now it's for YOU. I don't care WHO does it, I want 'the Bride' to made PAINFULLY aware of her limitations... Poste Haste. If she can still WALK at the end of the pay-per-view, I'll consider it a BOTCH - but I have faith in the 'boys'. I know how little the roster gets paid, so this should be an offer NO ONE can refuse.
Talk about a Witch Hunt, huh? Tally-ho.
You're welcome... See you SOON.