You will be delighted to know that in His own time, God has revealed to me the exact stipulations of our forthcoming match
This should be funny... Heh.
It will be a lumberjack match, in which all those who assist in the lumberjacking are to be dressed as religious figures, such as Jesus Christ, Martin Luther, or Ulrich Zwingli.
Oh? Hmmm.... I pick Gabriel.The original Angel of Death... Heh. And since he can look any way he pleases, that gets me out of that stupid costume bit... Though as I recall, except for Jesus, Joseph and Noah, not too many religious figures had much to do with lumber... But I digress...
He has asked me to point out that Justin Voss is not a religous figure, he just seems to think he is God. Remember Justin, true greatness walks hand in hand with humility.
What IS this with picking on Voss? I mean, he's an easy enough target, but when people start stealing my angles ten seconds after they get off the BOAT, something's to be done. Soon.
Also, in the match, the only way to win is via pinfall, as forcing your opponent to scream for mercy is ungodly, and the fans don't want count outs or DQ's and God always gives the people what they want.
WHAAAAAT? What the hell did she say? Win only by pinfall? The stupid COW... That's MY match. MINE. This is getting flippin' RIDICULOUS... And for a match between a nun and a dwarf to just NOW start getting ridiculous, that's saying something...
Blessings be upon you all, apart from the Little Big Man, the Stereotyped Face, and anyone else who stands in between me and my Daddy.
Is this chick RETARDED? Her Daddy? Does this look like 'National Lost Loved One Search'? No, clearly not. Obviously, she's a few beads short of a rosary... BUT that's no excuse to just flippin' PLAGARIZE the hell out of ME, and that's that...
Bobo notices the camera....
Hello, my intended.
Well, well, well... What have we here? GOD has made it clear to her what stips she should have, has He? It is to laugh... I guess even GOD knows a good idea when He hears one, huh? Sister, a few moments ago I would have said that there was no way in heaven, hell, or Hoboken that I'd get involved in anyone's match... But you know what? Since you're trying to steal MY thunder on the UNDERcard by having MY match, well, that is not to BE... PERIOD.
Normally, I would take some delight in tearing off all your arms and legs... BUT since you are a WOMAN, I can't... Fine. I guess God DOES watch over fools... Lemme check my wallet...
Bobo fishes in his wallet and produces a fistful of money.
There's someone out there that owes me a favor... SHE knows who SHE is, and I have...
Bobo counts the money.
Two-hundred and seventy-eight dollars for her if she'll knock this penguin for a row of ashcans poste haste. What say, Bride? Almost three-hundred bucks, AND you get to make it STANDING UP for a change. Wotta deal! BUT... IF this nun gets to the frickin' ring, you don't get a PENNY. That's fair, I think...
But just to be sure, I'll take this sock full of NICKELS from the Church POORBOX... And twirl it like so...
Bobo twirls the loaded sock - it swishes in a circle at an alarming rate of speed.
And... Should the Bride FAIL... Well...
Bobo pivots, and the sock bashes against the wall with a thunderous impact... Bobo pulls the sock back, and the cinderblock wall is cracked where the sock smashed it.
ACCIDENTS happen when people swing these around, y'know? And accidents can happen to GIRLS as well as GUYS, so be careful out there, sister... Heh. God isn't the ONLY one watching...
You're welcome... See you SOON.