To the Stereo-typical Face of BOB

Oh man, can't we get a better Face?
Wednesday, 02-Feb-2000 20:24:21

Bobo watches the Voss-Man's pitiful promo go on FAR too long before he uses the remote control aka - Mr. Fling-a-Brick™ to shut it off... The TV falls down and is pinned by the brick's unexpected aerial attack - putting Mr. Fling-a-Brick ™ WAY over... Bobo serenely turns to face the camera as the TV produces remarkably effective pyro before the intern frantically blasts it with a fire extinguisher...

Hello, my intended...

Well, this IS interesting... It only took, what three weeks, for this galactic DINK to work up the nerve to address the fact that I split his wig? It is to laugh... Listen, Salad Toss, if I were as pitiful as YOU, I'd just put my head in the oven... The world will thank you, and that's what you moron 'faces' want, right? But, since misery loves company, the Boss lets you cut promos so the AUDIENCE can put THEIR heads in the oven instead. Spiffy.

He's going to open a mighty big can of WHAT? Must... Not... Laugh... Obviously, the Loss-Man got his stellar mic skills from practicing voice exercises such as reciting 'You want Fries with that?' for minimum wage. You know what it MEANS when you get paid minimum wage, don't you Loss-Man? It means...

If we could pay you any LESS, we WOULD... But it's against the LAW.

But you made a challenge, and that means I have to come out and pound on your head until you have TWO bellybuttons... This pleases me. See, the only thing I hate worse than a woman-beater is a LIAR, and to dare call yourself a Face when you take matches against WOMEN AND make little kids cry is just out and out PREVARICATION.

Therefore, I shall accept your offer... And AFTER your assisted suicide, I'll nail your tattered carcass to the rafters like a HOMECOMING BANNER as a WARNING...

NO ONE can Face the Angel of DEATH MOST EXALTED.

Now, before you go on Bobo's Wild Ride, Mr. Stereotyped Face - and subsequently into the shallow trench in the woods I've prepared JUST for the occasion, I suggest you consider what you're doing... And seek help.

I mean, honestly... Assuming that 'hero' crap is anything besides a complete WORK, then you'll be showing the little Vosslings at home some VERY disturbing things... To wit:

1. Good Guys CAN hit women if they get TOLD to.

2. Good Guys will offer to GIVE you things if you 'Don't Tattle' - and you should TAKE them.

3. Good DOESN'T always triumph over Evil - especially when Evil is BIGGER, TOUGHER, STRONGER, and SMARTER than Good.

4. People CAN still beg for their lives while choking on eight of their own fingers... Heh.

Normally, it takes a kid all through puberty to fully grasp these important lessons... But, since you're in a hurry to get reincarnated - we'll just nudge the process along a bit...

You're Welcome... See you SOON.