Hello, my intended...

Well, as you can already tell, your 'hero' is probably getting the rest of his head stitched back on after that little girl beat him up. This pleases me... Maybe the bookers here will get it through their head that these 'Battle of the Sexes' matches are just not going over. At least not on MY watch. Consider NOTICE served. If you lot don't get some women for her to fight, I'll personally see to it that as long as she faces men, she'll be a blonde Goldberg. Not for HER sake, mind you... But for the sport.

For too long I've seen promotion after promotion gleefully leap into the gutter to provide this kind of broadband SEWAGE, and I've had enough. Wrestling is to take back it's DIGNITY- by FORCE, and by all the Hells there are, Bobo Q. Fiendish will lead the charge...

And speaking of charge... What the hell kind of PPV is this Full Court press supposed to be? Some kind of BS MTV Rock 'n Jock Ripoff? Mind you, I was a Power Forward in the Prison League so my concern is not for being out of my element... And I'm pretty sure that the feebs in Team One are at least as pathetic as the feebs I'll be carrying ON MY BACK to victory... No, my concern is for the fact that this has nothing to do with wrestling... I mean, what's next? Putting has-been WWF 'superstars' in a BOXING ring? Oops... Ahem. But I digress...

Let's look over my 'teammates'...

PZREMSLWVK? What carwash did the Boss hire these knuckledraggers from? And did he keep his receipt? Heh.

Kermit? What the hell is this? Sesame Street?

The Domino? Well, I guess we COULD celebrate our victory with some pizza...

Birdboy? Must... Not... Laugh...

XXXTreme Machine? He's still alive? Better luck next time, I guess...

Barbie Banner? The GIRL? Oh well, I suppose we could use a cheerleader...

Blackjack Hooligan? Are they kidding? Irish people can't play basketball any better than they can play chess or read or stay sober... I'd use him for the waterboy, but he'd probably just tap a keg and float his liver under the bleachers... Heh. Oh well, we can send him in for intentional fouls - which should confuse the referee some, since putting that fat paddy out on the floor in the first place with only a nylon b-ball uniform to contain the stink is an intentional foul ON US. But I digress...

Listen, you halfwits... You just remember ONE thing come the PPV... Give Bobo the ball, and you'll win...

Now, if it turns out that this will be some kind of 8-on-8 Battle, well, that calls for a slight change in tactics...

Tag Bobo, and you'll win... Don't EVER touch the GIRL, or you'll spend the rest of your life WISHING I KILLED YOU... That is all.

You're welcome... See you SOON.