Bobo stands, and walks towards the camera... It seems he and the crew are in some kind of abandoned warehouse, and Bobo was cleaning it up enough to use for a temporary hideout... The camera shakes every so often - either from cold or fear, we can't tell.
Well, well, well... He wants me to name another Irish Cowboy, does he? Fine. Troy Aikman. Happy? Heh.
You big mutt... If that was what you consider a reply, then you wasted the time of the three people that care about you... You, your mom, and your Sponsor - but I digress... Is THIS what I can look forward to facing? Is THIS the caliber of contention I bear witness to? Must... Not... Laugh... I'm guessing you'll need another couple pints to clear the cobwebs, huh?
Well, that said, let me derrogate some to what I've got to ACTUALLY fight... Let's see this 3x5... XXXtreme? Are they serious? Sounds like a porno theater... I gotta fight this? You, cameraman... You know anything about this cataclysmic mook?
Uh, I think he's a wifebeater, or something... Mr. Angel of Death Most Exalted...
Very good... You get a cookie. So, you puds think that someone who beats on women is a match for such as I? Truly? Well, I guess I'll have to wring all the juice out of this guy's skull to show the kids that might be watching that people that beat women deserve no mercy... And what's this? The 'Stereotyped Face' is facing... A woman? is this a typo? A WOMAN?
It's a debut match... Justin is a good guy, so we're pretty sure he won't try to damage her TOO much...
That's just sad... So, let's check the line for Bobo's Wild Ride as it stands... First, I get to squeeze the frickin' life out of someone named after a porn theater that beats women... THEN to complete my WARM-UP, I get to use the big Green Horn for a MOP to clean up all the blood I wring out of the porno theater... THEN, I'll hang around until this alleged 'face' comes out to fight a GIRL, and I'll crack his head open to the whitemeat. Spiffy. Should be worth the price of admission, huh? This pleases me...
You can't just attack JV, man... He's our franchise or something... I think...
Franchises close, pal. If he wants to be a stereotypical face, then he'll have to have the penultimate heel, and since the closest we have to that is some refugee from the 'Love Boat' and a Vietnamese Cook, I'll step up.
You're making fun of our top stars, Bobo... They won't stand for it...
Then we'll make them LAY DOWN for it, won't we? Think of the fans...
Both of them?
....Why do you have a job?
My mom told me to get one or she'd change the locks...
........That's just sad. Let's assume that someone actually gets to the mid-700s on his satellite, and stumbles across this promotion... Say his kid's with him, and the little rugrat is impressionable... Would you rather he see some 'good' guy whip some chick - thereby inferring that beating women is 'good', or would you rather have them learn to respect women by having some great big monster tear him a new one - and cram his head up his OLD one - for even TRYING such a thing? Thus showing not only that Bad Actions Have Bad Consequences, but other valuable life lessons... Such as Don't Stand on the Tracks When the TRAIN'S COMING THROUGH... But I digress... This promotion isn't ready for the level of mayhem that such as I routinely inflict... Too bad, though, because Bobo has a mission...
Mission? You wanna be the Best? Or the Best oof the Best? C'mon, our fanbase isn't exactly watching this on PBS, okay?
Any damn fool can be considered the Best at any one time... No, I propose to be something MUCH more difficult than the best... THE LAST.
Ulp...
Remember, folks... This is all for YOU...
You're Welcome... See you SOON...