Shit on the Wall

Hello, my intended...

Well, I've been getting some feedback regarding my being a good artist...

Frankly, I'm insulted.

Bobo is NOT an artist unless you count MARTIAL, but I digress... Every once in a while, Bobo draws a picture, sure, but that makes him an 'illustrator' or a 'cartoonist' (hell, I'll even accept draw-er). But NOT an artist. Artists are scum. Con men. LOW CREATURES in GENERAL...

I'll explain. Unlike alot of people, Bobo goes to the museum every so often and examines what passes for art... He is NOT impressed. There was a time when 'artist' was a high title, going to the likes of Michaelangelo, Donatello, and DaVinci (they weren't ALWAYS Ninja Turtles, folks, really). Now that title is going to some schmuck who spreads shit on a wall and calls it 'Madonna'. Now it's going to some goober that takes a photo of some dude with a bullwhip halfway up his ass and calls it 'Satan'.

Are you startiing to understand why I refuse to be lumped in with such as they?

The modern art scene (which is to say art today moreso than the modern art classification of style) is so much aggrandized piffle and self-promotion that it's sickening. I've had people tell me that they were geniuses for boldly firing a PAINTBALL GUN at a wall and calling it 'Nature'... Naturally, I - being the sort of person I am - asked if missing people in a paintball game made ANYONE a genius, or just him? After all, I continued, last time I checked the ol' thesaurus, 'genius' was not a synonym for 'poor marksman' - unless one was being sarcastic. Well, kids, he was pretty miffed that the other patrons moved along snickering and thus wouldn't plunk down the $3000 he was asking for 'Nature' so he got all pissy and told me that a lowbrow such as myself wouldn't know true genius if it bit him on the ass.

There are times I -really- wish I could laugh, lemme tell ya. I told him the only thing I figured WOULD be biting me on the ass was a dog, and compared to 'Nature', a goddamn dog WAS a true genius and I definitely WOULD know if such was nibbling on my hindquarters. As for the rest, Bobo's never been much for elitism. If you want to say you're better than the Angel of Death... MOST... EXALTED, then you can - after you've WON the FIGHT. Good luck.

One pretty short fight later, and Mr. Fiendish was no longer welcome at the gallery - and our elitist friend was facing the imposing task of learning to use his LEFT hand from now on. Heh. We hate to have to do such things, but some people just get all rammy when you show them that you know they're bullshitting. And they are, make no mistake...

You see, the art scene - made up of snobs and so-called highbrows and whatnot - is to me just a grandiose re-enactment of the old story The Emperor's New Clothes... Not familiar with that, perhaps? Fine.

A long time ago, there lived an Emperor who was very vain. He absolutely HAD to have the finest in everything, and decided after a while that what was available was no longer 'good enough' for him, and so sent a proclamation throughout the land that said he wanted a new set of clothes that would be known far and wide as the finest ever made, and would pay for same HANDSOMELY.

Enter Frick and Frack, the hoodwinkers... They conspire to take the Emperor for the ride of all time, and gather up some looms and spindles and trot over to the castle saying that they will use their fine magic cloth to make for the Emperor the truly finest suit of clothes ever beheld. Naturally, on hearing this, the Emp was creaming in his jeans and told hem to show him a sample of this magic cloth... Now the funny part:

They held up their EMPTY hands, stating that this - the magic cloth - was of such impressive quality that the magic prevented it from wasting it's beauty on fools. In short, if you couldn't see it, you were a fool. They then asked the Emp to tell them what he thought of the beautiful cloth they laid out for him.

Not wanting to tell the assembly he was a fool for not seeing the magic cloth, he stated how fine the fabric was and that it should make quite a fine suit, indeed... Every one of the Emperor's advisers, not wanting to look a fool in front of the boss, emphatically agreed so as to preserve their job. Then Frick and Frack went about making the suit, every so often reporting back to the Emp and showing their progress for another handful of 'expense money' - and every time getting the same reaction from the assembly at how gorgeous a job they were doing.

It all comes to a head when they decide that they're done this wonderful suit, and the Emperor happily announces that he will wear it in a parade to honor his finery and style. So he puts on the suit, and pays the tailors (who promptly scram for the horizon) and starts the parade. Now, everyone already has heard about the 'magic' in the suit to make invisible to fools, so the Emperor is struttng his stuff, and the crowd is playing along for fear of being denounced as a fool. Everything is going great as far as the Emperor knows, and he struts along until he comes across a kid who states, "The Emperor has no CLOTHES!"

The parade stops COLD.

The crowd start calling the kid a fool, but he holds his ground and states simply, "I know what I see, and I know what I DON'T see. What color is this suit?" Of course, everybody had a different answer - which meant they were all full of shit  - and it dawns on the Emperor he's been had, and everyone else with him. The kid gets a position as Advisor, and the Emperor - having learned his lesson - abandoned his vain ways. Happily ever after...

Starting to see the similarities, eh? You REALLY wanna laugh, go to an art show and watch the groupies stroke the' artist'... Every once in a while someone speaks the truth (me, for example) and they launch into the reflexive posturing of how 'the MASSES are not on a high enough LEVEL to comprehend the true genius of the work'. Oh, it's a work, alright... Work of fiction. Heh.

You see, when I was a kid, art was a standard formula. Aesthetics x Responsibility x Technique (ART. Cute, eh?). Aesthetics stands for the beauty it must convey. Responsibility as in that all artists have one to the world. Technique for how he/she fulfilled said responsibility.

Aesthetics, granted, is a wide base to cover. Beauty is relative. However, the RESPONSIBILITY here is that just because someone doesn't think your work is as good as you do, you are NOT ordained by God to punish them for it by getting all holier-than-thou. Your RESPONSIBILITY as an artist is SUPPOSED to be to try to include them - to try to bring them around with your next work...

Of course, the problem here is that no one wants to accept their responsibility, let alone FULFILL it... They'd rather stay to their little niche and talk about how great they are and how scum everyone outside the niche is. Folks, let me explain something... In life, we all must face our little challenges. It's how we learn. How we grow. We are ALL in that little boat, and when someone decides that they're already the penultimate king-high muckety-muck and eschew contact with all who don't agree, well, they're just taking themselves out of the game to avoid getting hurt.

It's cowardice.

Should we reward cowardice? No, clearly not.

Don't get me wrong, kids. If you can throw paint, shit, iron filings, or whatever haphazardly on a canvas and convince someone it's worth $3000, more power to you. But that doesn't make you an artist... Well, actually it does...

A Con-Artist.

You're welcome... See you SOON.