Understanding the Plan
Originally Posted 11-20-02 Hello, my intended...
First off, I'd like to dedicate this article to NormanB over at Lethal Wrestling. He's on Week Six of 'To Hell With It', and still hanging tough. You'll understand why when you hit the end... Promise.
Now to business: Well, unlike SOME of us here at TRP, I actually DID boycott the damn Survivor Series. So I missed Steiner come out and gorilla Harvard Geek and Matters Not. I'd be sad about that, but I got a replay of it on RAW. Spiffy.
I missed Big Show flush the toilet on Brock Lesnar's push and take the strap JUST to piss on Hogan who didn't do the match because HE wanted to beat Brock and they vetoed it. The same 'they' that was THERE when Show as a champion couldn't draw ants to spilled syrup.
And MOST importantly, I missed HBK and HHH eliminate everyone that COULD have made 'the only title that matters' actually... fucking... MATTER before HHH lays down for his Kliq buddy to have 'one more run'.
I guess you could say the writers were Kliq-ing Their Heels...
There's no place like home.
The heel that never loses lost to Sweet Chin Jesus, and you just KNOW that he's gonna be a 'fighting champion' that... NEVER... loses. And when he finally gets tired of aiming the plane into the side of the mountain, he'll do like he always does and NOT JOB. Like there's still going to be anyone watching by then. Look for the titles to be merged by Wrestlemania, since the whole 'Champions Can Cross Over' was clusterfucked into oblivion by each show having their own set of champs after three weeks.
Storylines are thrown together haphazardly at best. Past history is ignored. People are fighting each other for no reason. Enemies are made friends. Brothers are made enemies. People the fans love are buried as sloppy and prone to dishing out injury. And the company's take on it can be summed up quite succinctly by Triple H's 'Screw ALL of you. There's nothing you can do about it!'
Meanwhile, all the other 'pundits' rail that the place is being run like nobody has a plan.
I disagree.
I can see a plan at work...
Unless you're a hardcore atheist, you gotta suspect by now that there may be something to this whole God thing.
Hear me out first, and THEN scoff at will.
Michaels may just be doing God's Will by destroying the television equivalent of Babylon the best, most fitting way he can... by making us - the ones who ultimately keep it going - absolutely hate it. Because when we hate those that Sin against us, we Turn Away from them and are thus Redeemed. At least, that's the theory. Nothing else adds up.
See, Good Christians reportedly hate sin and allegedly have nothing to do with it. So when you mix in that with 'if you're not with God you're against God' dogma, and the 'Enemy of my Enemy is my Friend' common sense, it's starting to look like Somebody's pulling some serious strings from WAAAAAY behind the scenes. Look how many hard core, long time, die hard wrestling fans have hung it up for good since the necrophilia segment, with more turning away every pitiful week.
Starting not only to look like there IS a plan, but that it's working like a MOTHERFUCKER, eh?
Now look at it a bit more broadly.
Vince is running around like a suddenly headless chicken trying to 'fix' things on the business end as they turn to ashes around him while the world snickers up their sleeves in derision. All his 'side businesses to ride out the down cycles' have either rolled over and died, or are having the plug pulled on their life support. The record company. The restaurant. The XFL. You name it, if Vince spent money on it - it's toes up after drowning in red ink. How fucking well do you think the BOOK company is gonna do when everyone and their Uncle Eric is cranking out a Ghost Writer's Finest? Attaboy. Flood that market while you're at it.
Ask Kurt Angle how many of HIS books are collecting dust on the DOLLAR STORE shelves. BTW, it's not that bad a read, if you have a buck you're not using... Heh.
So Hogan had problems with McMahon not wanting all that much dirt 'on him' being in the Hulkster's book, and got the majority of it cut out... So when it's common knowledge that it WON'T contain anything INTERESTING.... Well, genius, why the fuck would we want to buy it NOW? To read about how Rodman's a degenerate alcoholic? We knew that years ago when RODMAN wrote HIS book. Some of us even before that, like when we heard him talk.. But I digress.
Now look at the man at the center of it all... The man whom the buck stops at. The man who actually (through Stephanie) drew a parallel between the 9/11 Tragedies and the Steroid Trial...
The guys in it now couldn't POSSIBLY see much of a future for themselves with history written so CLEARLY in the blood of those that paved the way for them on the walls... And still WET. Look how he left Billy Graham, and he LIKED the Superstar. Ask Graham how much Vince thinks his sacrifice and loss meant to the company. Fuck, ask Droz. The list goes on. Now consider all the people that gave their all in loyalty for the company only to have nothing but unpaid medical bills to show for it.A man who swiftly changed gears from Good triumphs over Evil to 'Attitude' where nobody is 'good', except as a joke intended to enjoin us to make mockery (Angle, RTC)? A man that made billions through deceit and treacherous tyranny (Constant). Who glorified wickedness and any other corruption he thought would make a buck? Racism (Gang Wars). Voodoo/Occult (Undertaker, Papa Shango). Sexual Deviance (Goldust, Mark Henry + Sammy/Mae Young). Disrespect (Degeneration X, nWo). Traitorism (Sgt. Slaughter Iraqi Sympathizer). Avarice (Million Dollar Man, IRS). Whoremongering (Constant). And finally, Necrophilia? A man who denegrates the sanctity of marriage by 'involving' himself on screen with the likes of whatever Diva isn't busy at the time (and allegedly, behind the scenes with the male workers), once even WHILE HIS WIFE SAT THERE WATCHING (Bark at THAT, Trish). A man who openly uses his 'Higher Power' to steal the dignity from anyone that dares cling to the tiniest shred of it, mostly for a cheap laugh (The Kiss My Ass Club). A man who professes one's own children are ungrateful ne'er-do-wells merely waiting for the proper time to commence a feast on the corpse (InVasion). A man who provides continuous degradation of those that GAVE their LIVES to the business when he's not out and out ignoring they ever existed, unless he thinks he can exploit their deaths? Brian Pillman. Davey Boy Smith. Dynamite Kid. Owen Hart. Wahoo McDaniel. Lou Thesz. Think how he's gonna 'be there' for the guys he DOESN'T like once he's done shitting on their heads (Ric Flair, Bischoff) to 'even things up'.
And NOW Vince is trying to bring you back... You want more wrestling? HERE! You want Michaels? HERE! You want Steiner? HERE! You want Triple H to lose? HERE! I'm trying to get Goldberg for you! HONEST! I'll give you anything you want, just come back!
I'm gonna check and see if the skipper on the Hesperus was a McMahon... Nobody could be THIS dumb on PURPOSE.
Unless it's ALSO part of The Plan...
...And the skipper had taken his little daughter, To bear him company.
Yeah. I'd say so...
So when you think about it, the whole works suddenly turning to shit and burning to the ground starts to make a certain level of sense, karmically speaking. The 'ultimate heel' that Vince made himself out to be is finally getting his just desserts in the blow-off match of recorded history!
Such was the wreck of the Hesperus,
In the midnight and the snow!
Christ save us all from a death like this,
On the reef of Norman's Woe!You're welcome. See you SOON.