Holding Out for a Hero
Written 12-13-04

Hello, my intended...

As ever, here's your old buddy Bobo making with the Raw Recap thing. It begs the question, of course, as to why I would still do this when the website I post these things on has been out of commission for close to two months now? Those of you who used to read me regularly already know the answer, but for those of you just joining:

Because I'm a fucking IDIOT. That's why.

Yes, yes, I know, I could probably shop myself out to someplace else and have at least a 50/50 chance of getting a new gig. But that's not me. TRP and me go way back. Back when I didn't ever plan on being a Wrestling Op-Col, since the net already had people like Xavier Doom, RD Reynolds, and NormanB taking chunks out of the grap-game's hindquarters.

Back when I just occasionally ranted on my own (badly neglected) free website about shit in general (and computer type shit mostly). Back when I considered wrestling about the EASIEST fucking thing on earth to take a shit on online (and thus beneath me challenge-wise). All I wanted was to just do my thing, even if nobody saw it.

And believe me, if the Bravenet counters were accurate, nobody saw it. Those numbers (about 450 hits in three years, if you must know - proabably more than half of them me checking the links after updates) have kept me pretty darn humble. Stubbornly so, one might say, as even luminaries in the IWC game gave me props - amongst them Barbwire Mike and Jonny X and other folks - couldn't convince me I was anything but what I said I was when I started... A hack with a vocabulary and a bunch of fucking oddball hobbies.

Wrestling has always been something I had a bit of an abusive relationship with. Sometimes I was Ike. Sometimes I was Tina. You know the drill. I think I made the analogy around the third or fourth article I did for TRP. Fourth, probably, since the one I saw the similarities between WWe and the Schooner Hesperus was third.

No, this isn't one of those goddamn blanket-biting, three-Kleenex weepy-ass 'everything has come full circle' swan-song posts. I hate that kind of arrogant shit. Always will. Nope, I said I was gonna keep egging Vinnie's windows until one of us was dead, and us Injuns take Giving Our Word fucking SERIOUS. You other guys? Well, let's just say 'God Bless America' for you other guys, okay?

Holy shit, that was probably a good TEN TIMES more effective a Heel-type Getover as the entire Mohammad Hassan vignette run. Not that what I did was really all that effective, of course, but the point still stands.

Sigh. Well, as I said, while there's still stuff on the Raw that pretty much sucks, it's been more good than bad for nearly the whole time TRP's been down. Kinda like in the 'Peanuts' where Charlie Brown misses a couple games and the Sandlot Team starts winning, y'know? That's about how it feels to me... Good grief.

Maven a heel now? The two Ay-rab fellas will of course also be heels (because nothing makes a redneck hate minorites worse than them saying they're just as good as they are and deserve the same respect). Helms' and Rosey's Heel Turn has apparently been aborted so that Nova has a chance to get over against somebody. Even Edge is teetering on the cusp of Heel with his bitchy 'I Wuz Robbed' routine. This actually makes me wonder how many 'faces' there are on Raw these days...

Eugene - Retarded, sure, but happy. (Orwell joke goes here)

Regal - Sort of. He's still a vile, venomous rogue - as he's quick to point out - but the Dinsmore Kid has apparently struck a chord in the limey scoundrel and he's decided to actually live up to the 'Caretaker' role Uncle Eric brought him in to fuck up.

Helms - Superhero. Never wins. Not ever. Wassupwiddat?

Benoit - Probably the biggest threat the Good Guys have in the arsenal. And he's, what, five-six? Heh.

Shelton Benjamin - The Black Stallion. He's coming along nicely as an All-American Boy Hero, although I think the vignettes about his thuggish past should ramp it down a little. They're getting a mite shrill.

Jericho - Good journeyman type guy. Probably the best talker the Good Guys have, but he doesn't really have the prescence to make the folks in the cheap seats think that Good Will Always Triumph.

Orton - The horse they're backing, it would seem. I know Orton's probably the best they have to put at the forefront, but he's kinda new off the whole Evolution train just yet (I'm still waiting for him to go back and tell the fans He Was Only Foolin') for the fans to put their support squarely behind.

...Shit, that's it, huh? Daaamn.

In other news, they're not only teasing a Batista Turn - but when Bischoff left, he'd told Evolution that he'd had enough of their shenanigans, so maybe he's turning too...?

Nah, Teddy Long is already a Babyface Type GM, so Bischoff turning too wouldn't differentiate the Brands enough. On the other hand, Raw under the Babyface GM Banner has been consistantly better than it's been in years. Assuming Vince isn't a total dipshit (I know, I know) he's just GOT to see that he gets the best of both worlds with a Babyface GM. HHH still gets to be the focus of the overall show - which keeps his ass quiet around the house). The fans enjoy watching HHH get his ass kicked and generally put through his paces - which gets the money rolling in again. And the morale of the lockerroom increases; which means that the workers he hasn't fired yet to buy more Useless Divas will work harder for about the same money. Everybody wins.

Okay, everyone but the workers, but like Vince says, "You don't DATE the wrestlers - you FUCK them."

Yeah, I love tradition, too... Heh.

You're welcome. See you SOON.