Now I Lei Me Down to Sleep

Written 12-6-04

Hello, my intended...

Yeah. I know. Still nothing at the TRP. I think if it goes another four weeks I might ship out to someplace else... I'm sure the door is still open over at our Ugly Cousin Site, since their usual Recapper has been working the indies or something. Norm teased a return, but I guess decided it would be impossible to convince me to step over and Recap the Raw if he was already doing so. He would be right.

I actually have an audience of one, though. I send the Recaps to Annie of the View. She asked for it, that's why. I offered to DK, but he said that he'd wait for TRP to get back online for his recap bits. I wonder what he's doing during his wait...? Maybe I should call him? Not tonight, though, tonight's the Recap. Hell, for all I know Annie's posting me on her site just so that I'm not whistling in the dark waiting for TRP's host to get their shit together. Nah, she knows I'd shit a cat if someone screwed up my TRP-Exclusivity Deal (that wasn't me, anyway). I might just go for the Yahoo-Posting, but I'm terrified to find out how accurately measurably unpopular my recapping is; while I could still pretend someone reads me over at Lethal.

Not that I'm entertaining a possible (albeit interim) move. Pshaw. Perish the thought.

Mostly because the few 'jokes' that are legitimately mine, such as the Diva Search Winner being dubbed 'The Zombie', won't make any sense to anyone that didn't read the Recap where I said we should pretend she was dead for that Hungry Butt Debacle. Oh, wait, I just expatiated... Bleh.

For difference's sake, I'm going to tape Raw and do some other shit tonight. Not that I haven't accepted that my Raw Recap will be seen by only one person until I just fucking give up and grab the lifeline from Norm, but rather because I haven't done a tape-delayed FULL recap since the last time my internet went out... Bottom line, work was a sumbitch and I'm not sure I can stay awake until the end of the show tonight. Wutchagonnadu?

Okay, a LITTLE of it is because I don't want to watch Jericho deal with deciding who won the Title he'll never be within sniffing distance of ever... EVER.... EeeeeeeeeVER... A-GAIN.

Standard Raw Intro

Jericho's picture is shown with some rock music, but no reaction. The rock music continues as we cut to Jericho in the ring to welcome us to Raw is Jerichooooooo. Let's get down to business right away, he tells us, since the question on everyone's mind is WHO is the World Champion?Edge or Benoit? But before that, he wants to welcome us to his show - seeing as he's the GM tonight. And like he promised last week, it's gonna be the Biggest Party in the History of the WWe. And no party would be complete without EVERYONE getting LAID!

Cue the ceiling to drop a bunch of Hawaiian leis on the crowd. That's hilarious, if surreal, and I usually dislike puns (especially when I do them). Jericho calls out to some chick in the front row and asks if she needs to get lei'd, which is really pushing the bit towards 'annoying'. But, as Jericho says, it's his show tonight, so I'll let him have his fratboy funsies. He calls out to the same chick and says that he needs to get lei'd too, and she gives it to him.

Jericho says that the leis were shipped in from the Tropical Island of Hawaii - which is pretty odd, considering they look like they're made of crepe-paper - and when he thinks of Tropical Islands, he thinks of Charlotte, NC in the middle of December.


Oh, I see, cheap pop. He calls Charlotte a true party town as we cut to some of the fans in attendence showing off their 'getting lei'd'. One of them looks like Matt Borne back in the Big Josh days. Only gay.

Now, tonight, we'll have the Women's Champion Trish Stratus versus LIiiiiTAaaa. He pauses to ask if some kids in attendence are old enough to be lei'd, then tells us that the Raw Divas will be partaking in the Jericho Limbo-a-Go-Go, with the music provided by 'his band' FOZZY.

Yeah, I thought I smelled shit. Wakka-wakka-wakka!

Pyro for Fozzy as they caper and prance as only true Legends of Rock wouldn't be caught dead doing.

But before the party can start, he wants us to check out the Controversial Ending to last week's Triple Threat Match on the Jeritron... We see it from four different angles, and it's not a question the GM can answer (since when?), so he's gonna bring in the ONLY guy with the wisdom in decision-making sufficient to make the call. Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

Sigh. I love it when a plan falls apart. (snif) No, really.

VKM swaggers to the ring carrying the belt over his shoulder, then shakes Jericho's hand and starts talking. According to the footage, it's clear to him that Benoit was pinned - and that Edge tapped out at precisely the same time. That makes a tie/draw, and according to Tradition, that would make NEITHER of them the winner.

So HHH comes strutting out in a suit, sporting a smile. Vince smiles back as HHH gets into the ring and flashes his pearlies to the crowd. Vince tells him that HHH should KNOW by now how he hates to be interrupted, but since he's there, Vince will just tell him 'Congratulations'. The crowd boos. So do I. Vince clarifies himself, saying that we're looking at a Best Selling Author, because tomorrow a book called 'The Making of the Game' will be out - and it's a Must-Read for anyone into physical fitness. The feed scrambles a bit here and there, so I miss much of Vinnie talking up the Blade: Trinity movie.

HHH has had enough waiting, and tries to take the belt off Vince's shoulder. Vince snatches it back, asking if HHH heard him name his interupting little Beaker ass as Champion? HHH looks askance, and Vince says since HHH interrupted him, he's NOT going to name a World Champion, so THERE. What HE will do instead is dump that huge mess on Bischoff. However, what he WILL do is declare the World Title Vacated - meaning HHH is no longer the champ. The crowd pops. HUGE. Triple H closes his eyes in a 'it's a bad dream, I know it is - now if I can only wake up' kind of way. I guess he got a couple acting lessons for that movie, huh? Vince marches off, with HHH shadowing him until he gets out of the ring. HHH stays behind to make the scowlies as Vince strides up the ramp, then holds up the title (no pun intended).

Commercials. Some rappers play Texas Hold'em Poker to sell us Lugz footwear. Maybe I'm just tragically unhip, but what the FUCK does playing CARDS have to do with BOOTS? Nothing, right? You don't need boots to play CARDS. Dumbasses.

Triple H is throwing a hissy because nobody beat him, so he should still be the champ. Flair says that what McMahon said is RIDICULOUS and doesn't know what he's talking about. (Yeah, that'll pad the retirement fund, Flair. At least he shut up about making virgins bleed, right?) Dave offers some lukewarm expression of outrage, and HHH takes him to task for not being more upset. Dave says people express anger in different ways. HHH huffs about Dave taking the loss at the battle royal with a shrug and a smile on his face. That how a monster shows anger these days? (No, clearly not.)

Dave reminds him that it was HE that ran out to save HHH's sorry ass during the title match, and HE that pulled Benoit out of the Crossface, and that if it weren't for HIM there would be no controversy at all. Because Benoit would be the Champ. PERIOD. So, you're WELCOME. Dave storms off, leaving HHH to stew in his own juices - and Flair to suck them up. It goes like that a bit, then HHH overturns a catering table as he shouts 'THANK YOU!', but Dave is long gone.

Cut to Jericho, who proclaims 'Great Caesar's Ghost' at Triple H's tantrums, then tells some blonde he calls Lana that HHH is to get no h'ors douvres the rest of the night. That means no cocktail wieners, and No World Title. Beh heh heh heh. Christian comes into the party wearing a leather matador suit and asks what the hell is going on. He shows a plastic trashbag he found in his locker, which contains a red suit of some kind that he's not going to wear because he must protect his reputation.

Um, Christian? Too late, man. WAY too late. I remember you and Jericho running around in banana-hammocks after the Dudleyz stole your towels. Now everyone reading me does, too.

Jericho tells Christian that he's the GM, and as such won't have his party cocked up. Christian doesn't get to come in and dictate to him. He doesn't get to tell him what to do... UNless he puts on a lei. Jericho puts a green lei on Captain Charisma, then puts him in a league with 'all the great captains'. Captain Hook. Captain Crunch. Captain James... T... Kirk... (Nice Shatner, Chris.) And thusly, Jericho has decided to make tonight 'The Adventures of Captain CHARISMAaaaa', which is what the deal with the suit is, okay? Christian says he's not going to let Jericho make him look like an idiot. Jericho says that if Christian wants a Last Shot at Shelton Benjamin's IC title, it'll be in that supersuit or not at all. SO get to steppin', BROTHER. Christian tells Jericho 'I won't forget this'. Jericho says that he's right, because no one will Ever. Eeeeeeever-

Oops. Benoit's there now. Levity Level Decreases. He asks if Jericho was looking for him. Jericho tells him that he knows he's disappointed and shit, but Benoit cuts him off and says that's all up to Bischoff now, isn't it? "Thanks a fucking bunch, too, dipshit!" type vibes are coming off Benoit in waves, by the way. As a gesture of good-will, Jericho will give Benoit a match against Dave Batista, since Dave initially cost him the World Title and all last week. But that's not all, it'll be a Tag Match, which will put HHH in the mix as well. Benoit's Tag Partner will be Jericho, in case you're retarded enough to not already know that by the big lead-in. Benoit smiles a toothy grin and shakes Jericho's hand, apparently appeased.

Cut to Ross, who tells us that Lita will put the Women's Title on the line... (Bobo loves live TV.) Er, TRISH, TRISH will put it on the line against Lita. Best announcer in the biz, right? My ass. Lawler tries to paint over it by talking about getting to the back for the big party and some shit. Then we cut to some snippets of Trish fucking around with Lita's head from the Kane Stalking angle (Nice to see you again, Matt Hardy).

Commercials. Wow, two commerical breaks already and still not one match? Sad, idnit? At least the backstage bullshit is fairly entertaining. Killzone looks like a nice game, if you're into Post-Apocalyptic Disasters. You must be, you're watching Raw.

And it falls to Eugene to jerk the curtain... He comes out to pop the crowd with Regal in tow. He waves to the crowd with those oversized foam hand things. And his opponent will be... Maven, now with 75% more Heelishness. Regal stares at Maven a skosh, so Maven offers a handshake. Regal leaves him hanging, so Eugene shakes it instead. Regal's got an 'I will be watching you, Motherfucker' look on his grill, so that should bring the amount of people watching this match up to, what, two?

Match start. Eugene waves happily to the crowd, then he and Maven go to the collar and elbow tie-up. Eugene flows into a Waistlock. Standing Switch Reversal by Maven, but Eugene breaks the hold and goes to an Armwringer. Maven languishes a second or two, the reverses to his own Armwringer. Eugene forward flips out of it, then flows another Armwringer into a Snapmare, which he follows up with a Lateral Press for One. Eugene dances all happy as Maven tries to digest the sequence he just came up on the short end of there. Maven smiles all fake as Eugene does the Jimmy Shimmy Dance that Jimmy Valiant did during the BoogyWoogyMan days. If the guy was dead, he'd be spinning, I guarantee it.

Maven back up, so they circle each other a bit before Maven clamps on a Side Headlock. Eugene reverses it to a Top Wristlock, taking Maven to the mat. Maven backrolls out of it, but Eugene Snapmares him back to the mat and clamps a Legscissor across Maven's belly. Maven looks worried, so we go to the Texas Roll that Terry Funk used to do back in The Old Days. Maven gets the ride for two laps before Eugene turns him loose to deal with the vertigo on the mat while he plays Airplane on the other side of the ring. Maven recovers, pasting on the Fake Smile again as Eugene reminds him he got a nice Carnival Ride out of the deal.

They lock up again, and Maven goes back to the Side Headlock. Eugene Irish Whips Maven to the Heel Corner to free himself, but Maven floats over him so Eugene headbutts the middle buckle. Maven tries to run the ropes, but faws down and goes boom. He looks askance at Regal, who was about twelve feet away when it happened. He asks how Regal did it. Regal did not, and explains as much from the floor whilst Maven insists he was tripped. The ref ejects Regal.

Oh, I see. It's all a Clever Plan by the New Maven to get Eugene all alone. Like that'll help his chances, or something. Maven waves bye-bye as Regal stalks back up the ramp, so Eugene uses the distraction to Reverse Sunset Flip Maven to the mat. Maven goes for the Bridge, but the ref is at two already so Maven kicks out. Both men to a vertical base, and Eugene hits a Northern Lights Suplex. Gets two. Maven actually CONGRATULATES Eugene on getting 'thatclose' two whole times, in case we're not picking up the Sal Sincere vibe yet. Maven offers a handshake, which Eugene takes. Then he offers a kick to the kneecap, which Eugene also takes. Eugene writhes on the mat favoring his leg a bit, then tries to pull himself up. Maven doles out the old Hennig Special, sending Eugene back to the mat with another kick - this time to the calf.

Eugene gamely tries to get up again, so Maven hits him in the back with a Dropkick (what else, right?) that sends Eugene awkwardly into the middle buckle. Maven charges in to capitalize, grapevining Eugene's leg in the middle rope in a half-ass Tree of Woe deal, then makes with the stomping on the leg a while. The referee forces Maven back at a four-count, but Maven shrugs him off and then steps on Eugene's neck, using the ropes for additional leverage. The ref reaches a five-count, so Maven is disqualified. Maven stomp-chokes Eugene a bit more, then goes to the old Two-Handed Strangle.

Regal comes running to the rescue to a decent pop. Maven hits the bricks to complete the Three Week Heel Turn. Regal then turns his attention to untangling Eugene, so Maven's quickly back into the ring for a Belt-loaded backjump to the back of Regal's skimmer. Regal goes down in a crumple, and the ref shouts at Maven from the floor. Maven smiles, raising his own hands in victory as the crowd chants Maven Sucks.

Nooooo, ya THINK? Buncha slow learners in North Carolina, I guess. Explains Flair pretty good, too. In case nobody else makes the connection, Maven goes Whoo, albeit in a halfass way, as he leaves the ring. Guess he's first in line as Batista's replacement, should they go through with turning Dave to the Light. Nah. People usually trade UP.

Commercials. The Metroid commercial proves that Nintendo's advertising division can make cool stuff. Now, if only their GAME DEVELOPERS could, they'd be in a bit less trouble. As it is, the Gamecube is fourth place in a three horse race... Thank God for handhelds, right, Hideki?

Ross and Lawler tell us who's getting the big points in the WWe Interactive games, and remind us we could play too for a chance to win a Spiffy Poster. Um, no.

Jericho in the ring again, this time with two random chicks and a stick, in order to continue the party. (Somehow, I doubt it'll be Double-Dong Action.) Nope, it's Limbo-a-Go-Go time. (Excitement. Excitement.) The chicks currently in the ring are apparently his assistants, and he calls down the Raw Divaaaaas. Nobody cares. A lot. The Zombie leads the charge with four other chicks from the Diva Search in tow (I thought only the WINNER got a job? Damn my hair-splitting ass to HELL.) The Zombie blows kisses to the all but silent throng in attendance as they make their way to the ring to eat up some time. Oy, Kiebler's bringing up the rear. I guess to make sure none of the others make a break for it.

Kiebler's standard entrance gets a mild pop from the few people still awake at this juncture. Jericho has a goofy grin on his face, and he's changed to a new lei for the occasion. Jericho quickly explains the point of Limbo (and who better, really?) before calling upon Fozzy to make with the music to get it started proper.

Four Foot mark. All pass. Jericho lets Lana off the hook as a pole-holder so she can play as well. She takes off her heels as they adjust the pole to three and a half feet or so. All pass. Three foot mark. Candance tries to crawl under, so Jericho DQs her and sends her away. The rest pass. Two and a half feet mark. Zombie passes, Maria passes. Nobody else does. Two foot mark. Zombie passes. Maria fails. Zombie wins. This actually might matter more than when she won the Diva Search...

Jericho calls upon the chicks to dance in front of him and segues into asking if the crowd wanted to be him. Then he joins Fozzy and sings the 'Wish You Were Me' song that wasn't cool two years ago. And still isn't. At least they put the whole thing together in a fairly solid presentation, but the lights cut out and we go to the Towelheads on the Titantron making with the bitching.

They ask us how it feels to have things going well and then having everything go to shit. That's how them Arab-Americans feel about things in America since 9/11, donchaknow? Do you care yet? Well, they're gonna make the debut next week so some of you can spit on them live.

Commercials. Jim Carrey returns to his crazy-fuck roots in a new movie called 'Lemony Snickets'. No, I only WISH that I was kidding. I guess he took Majestic tanking pretty hard, huh?

Next up, Simon Dean. He's got a duffel bag and a tank of that Tang powder left over from the Buddy Rose Blow-Away, so maybe it's to wrestle. Cut to a few fat fucks in the audience booing Nova's new gimmick. Yeah, that'll help get him over with the folks at home. "Look, honey, Mr.Scrapple and his buds in the tenth row don't like this guy. He must be bad." As Unintentional Comedy, they show a kid that thinks he's at Smackdown.

What? Making fun of stupid children is What Bad Guys DO. Ask Ted DiBiase. Nova gets a mic to try and get the crowd heated. (Sorry, bud. You couldn't get that done with a Flamethrower at this point.) He wanted to talk to us about the Patented Simon System, but tells us that the only way Jericho the GM would allow it is if he got in the ring for his first match. Nova begins to shill his fake fatloss powder, but Hurricane Helms breaks it up. Nova is not happy about it, but puts aside his wares to face Helms.

Match start. They circle each other as Ross tells us that Dean has an amateur wrestling background, and as if on cue Dean gets down on all fours for Helms to mount. (Must... Not... LAUGH.) Helms rolls across him for the Brisco Pin, which gets One and a Half. Nova up quickly, and he charges Helms. Helms with a Fireman's Carry which he flows into a Reverse Crucifix Hold for another pinning predicament. Gets one. Both men up again, and Helms clamps on a Waistlock. Nova turns inside the hold and tries to go to a Fireman's Carry of his own. Helms counters with a Schoolboy, which gets two.

Helms asks "Wassupwiddat" as Nova tries to get his bearings. Nova back up, and charges - but Helms with the Back Brain Kick sends him to the mat, and quickly clamps Nova in a Front Chancery. Nova forces Helms to the Heel Corner to force the break, but Helms turns Nova to the corner. The ref calls for a break and Helms gives it to him at four. Nova suckerpunches the Hurricane, and if it's a working punch it's a damn good one from this angle.

Helms goes sprawling, and Nova lays a clubbing forearm across his back, then puts Helms in a Pendulum Backbreaker. Helms flops around, selling for all he's worth, and Nova stomps on him a bit. Helms crawls to the ropes under the Boot Barrage, so Nova makes with the rope-assisted Step Choke, and breaks the hold at three. Nova cheers himself as Hurricane tries to pull himself up to a vertical base. Nova quickly intercedes with another forearm across the back of the head. Two forearms. Nova picks Hurricane up for more, and Helms goes to the midsection with a couple punches to back Nova away.

Helms with an Overhand Slap to Nova's chest. Nova responds with a kick to the belly, a Scoop Slam, and two Elbow Drops. Nova makes with some Jazzercise, then drops ANOTHER Elbow on Helms. Nova with the Single Prawn for the pin, but only gets two. Nova with the Blatant Choke, and breaks at three. Nova back to the Blatant Choke, this time getting more Oomph out of it by doing pushups while clamped on Helms's neck. Not a bad spot, there. I'd expect a bit more from Nova, but that's because I used to watch him tear the place down at the ol' Bingo Hall. Still, it helps get the character across.

Nova helps Hurricane to his feet for an Irish Whip. Helms hits a Crossbody out of nowhere, which gets two. Dean up quickly, and he lays a clubbing forearm across the Superdome to send Helms to the mat in a puddle. Helms manages to pull himself up on all fours, and Dean clocks him with a Crossface Forearm to send him back down. Dean presses the advantage with a couple Standing Kneedrops to the shoulder of Helms, then goes to a sidecar-style Chinlock/Camel Clutch deal. The referee checks to see if the Hero's had it. He hasn't. Helms digs deep with the tepid cheering he's getting, and then elbows Nova off him.

Mostly. Dean puts a stop to it with a Kneelift to the chest of Hurricane. Dean runs to the ropes for momentum, and Hurricane hits him coming in with that Leaping Clothesline. Dean struggles back to his feet, so Helms gives him another Leaping Clothesline. Helms give Dean the Irish Whip. Dean reverses it. Helms comes off the ropes and Dean tries for a Sidewalk Slam. Helms counters with a Flying Anklescissors, sending Dean halfway across the ring. Helms tries to Irish Whip Dean to the Nearside Corner, but Dean reverses again. Dean comes in to lay on some forearm, but Helms hits him out of his BOOTS with a European Uppercut. Dean staggers from the hit and Hurricane goes to a Double Armtrap, which he turns and then DUMPS Dean to the mat. Nice.

Hurricane backs up and sets himself in the corner. Ross tells us it's for the Shining Wizard (which it isn't. It's a fucking Skip-Turn Crescent Kick, at best. God help them if Keiji Mutoh ever gets a deal, because THEN you'd see a fucking Shining Wizard. By GAWD.) Oops, Nova ducks it and Schoolboys Helms to the mat, using the tights to get the cheap win. He exits real quick with his Patented System under his arm.

Another highlight from Trish fucking with Lita's head. This time the Bridal Shower. Bleh.

Commercials. There's a new perfume out for gays, er, GUYS. It's called Bod. The tagline: I want your Bod. A chick says this while they show us guys. I want to puke, and I haven't even smelled this shit yet.

Cut to Coach, who is interviewing Randy Orton. He reluctantly asks if Orton's happy about Vince's announcement. Randy asks if he means the one where HHH is No Longer Champ? Psshhh YAH, he's pleased. Very pleased. Ya know why? Cuz NOW he can compete for the World Title again. He tells us he did everything he could last week to make sure HHH did not walk out of there with that strap, and he succeeded. (Well, sort of, by why split hairs?) So he couldn't be happier. And now that we know why the smile is on Orton's face, he can tell us why there's a frown on Coach's. It's because Coach STILL can't get lei'd.

Way to run it into the ground, fellas. Edge makes an appearance and tells us that he showed up READY to defend his World Title that Vince held it up. The crowd reminds him that He Tapped Out. Edge calls the whole shebang a 'Crime Against ME', and the fact that the crowd seems to be fine with the fact he's indeed not the Champ is a DISGRACE and makes him sick. You Tapped Out chants continue.

Edge re-explains that he won the Battle Royal because EVERYONE knows Benoit's feet hit first, and that EVERYONE knows he had Benoit pinned 1-2-3. He blathers about getting down on his knees feeling the rush of finally winning the Big One, only to have it torn away from him. Yes, he tells us, he was SCREWED. AGAIN. And by no less than Randy ORTON. He realizes that Orton's Title Reign was a complete and utter failure, but that's no reason to fuck up Edge's chance in the limelight. So he calls out Orton.

Orton runs out and tears off his shirt. He demands to know why Edge is blaming him for his problems. After all, he could have made it a one-on-one match with Benoit and HHH, leaving Edge with NOTHING. He could have allowed Evolution to come out and do as the pleased, but he turned them back BY HIMSELF and sent them packing. "Edge," he says. "Listen to me. You're NOTHING. You're Nothing, Edge. You in this ring? You and me? You know what would happen. We've been there before. You kicked my ass, but I kicked your ass right BACK. You wanna blame somebody, Edge? Blame yourself."

"That's real sharp, Randy," Edge replies. (Bobo agrees. I didn't think Orton could promo cold like that.) "I figured you might say something like that..."

"Hell YEAH, I'd say something like that! You know why? 'Cuz unlike YOU, I've BEEN World Champion. So if there's a Failure standing in this ring... If there's a Failure in this ring right now... It is YOU."

"You can stand there with those beady little eyes of yours and say that to ME? When I have your NUMBER? When I've beaten you so many times I can't remember it all? I was the one that ended your 8-month IC reign. So you can come out there and say that I bitch every week? Well, Randy, when it comes to you and me: You're MY bitch."

Orton decks him. They go to brawling Star Trek style on the mat, and a bunch of the refs - assisted by Dean Malenko, Sergeant Slaughter, and Arn Anderson among others, manage to pry the two of them apart. They drag Orton away as the crowd chants "Randy Randy".

Commercials. Some chick runs over an old dude, apparently while under the influence of party-type chemicals. Regret: The Anti-Drug. Kinda funny, as damaging the elderly bits go, but still nothing on the old 'Medalert' chick falling down a flight of stairs. "I've fallen, and I can't get UuuuP." Ah, memories.

Triple H lays a Beating on Van Wilder for the Blade Movie. The costars put him over huge, but not Snipes. Snipes is legit (well, as legit as 4th Degree Karate Black Belts get, anyway), so he would NEVER talk up a bullshit badass. Ever. Don't believe me? How many of these WWe Blade segments actually HAVE Blade in them? There ya go.

Shelton Benjamin comes to the ring for his match, and then Garcia calls out Captain Charisma. Tomco comes out, alone. He realizes it about four steps down the ramp, and then goes back to coax Christian out. Christian refuses from behind the arch. Tomco insists, and reassures him that the belt is worth a little embarrassment.

Holy shit. That's the gayest suit I've seen since Arachniman. Benjamin is laughing his ass off. JR makes fun of the little horns/wings on the side of the Captain's head. Lawler tells him that they're the letter 'C'. Ross says he's sure that everyone's proud of the challenger for the IC. Lawler calls him on it, asking if he's looked in a mirror lately and registered how silly HE looks in that cowboy hat. Ross fires back asking if it's really a guy that wears a CROWN at HIS age talking about anyone else looking silly.

Ye gods. That's the best back-and-forth I've heard from these two all FUCKING YEAR. I'm in shock. Thank God I'm doing this from a tape and not live, because I'd have dropped the fucking keyboard and maybe missed some of the action trying to recover. CC makes with the posing as SB futilely tries to check his laugh reflex. Yeah, I know he's 'fake-laughing' but he's doing better than HHH and Flair ever did during the Goldust stutter spot last year.

The Captain tries a Slide Tackle takedown, I think, but blows the spot and comes to a halt about a foot shy of Benji's leg. Ross asks 'What the hell was THAT?' for the Unintentional Funniest Line of the Night. Seems that Benji held out a hand to stop CC's attack, and it worked. Benji checks his hand, wondering from where came this marvelous power (which I hereby dub the Mighty JobberStop) for a moment or two. The Cap'n charges, Take Two, and Benjamin gives him the Shoulder Lift to a Pancake, which he follows closely with a Rolling Cradle. Gets two.

Tomco up on the apron to distract the ref a second, so CC rakes the eye of Shelton, then puts him in the Face corner for some Shoulder Tackles to the midsection of the IC Champ. CC with an Irish Whip sends Shelton to the Heel Corner, which he follows up with a Running Monkey Flip. SB lands on his feet, unharmed, then beckons the Cap'n to follow him to the Face corner. CC does, indeed, and SB leaps to the middle buckles. CC ducks and covers, hoping to avoid the Crossbody, but Shelton doesn't come flying at him as expected. Charisma, not sensing the crash, gets to his feet a bit confused - and Benji hits him with a Flying Lariat. Hooks the leg, and gets a twocount.

Both men to their feet pretty quick, and Shelton goes for an Irish Whip. Christian reverses it, sending the IC Champ to the ropes so Tomco can CLOBBER him one in the kidneys from the floor. Christian hits the Scorpion Death Drop in the confusion as Shelton reels for no discernible reason that the referee can see. Lateral Press nets a twocount for the Captain. Christian decides to soften up Benji a bit by taking the boots to him. He's screaming 'You think this is FUNNY?' at the IC Champ as he does so, which helps get this bit over immensely. Good work, Christian. Honest.

Someone in the crowd calls Christian 'Captain Crunch', which he doesn't like much. He continues stomping on Benjamin, then starts to pick SB up for some more. SB lays a shot or four into the Captain's midsection to back him off, but Christian hits a boot to the belly and then goes for a Vertical Suplex. Or not, I guess, as Christian instead hotshots Shelton belly-first across the top rope. Benjamin bounces from the rope into the ring, and Christian drags him by the foot to the center of the canvas and makes with the Lateral Press again. Gets two.

Christian sits Benjamin up and then pulls him into an Abdominal Stretch, pausing halfway between applying the hold in order to get in some shots to the kidney of Benjamin. Christian cranks the hold a little, then Benjamin gets loose with a couple Back Elbows. Benjamin comes off the ropes and hits the Crossbody on the Captain. Gets two. Both men scramble to their feet, but Christian a little faster so he lays a boot to the belly of Benjamin and then Irish Whips him to the Face Corner. SB sags in the corner, and Christian yells at the fans a little bit before charging in. SB dodges, so Christian runs headlong into the buckles. The ref starts a ten-count.

Benjamin up at four, Christian gets to the apron at five. Benjamin comes over to drag the Captain back into the ring, but CC hits him with a Shoulderblock in the belly, then goes scurrying to the top to take to the skies in a Double Axe-Handle attempt. SB punches him in midair to put a stop to it, sending Christian flipping away. Christian tries to regroup, so Benjamin clotheslines him. Benjamin goes for an Irish Whip, but Christian reverses it again. SB re-reverses it, hitting the Cap'n with a Flying Forearm. He moves in to capitalize and CC punches him in the belly and then tries for a Scoop Slam. Benjamin floats out of it and hits a Side Russian Legsweep. Single Prawn Hold by the Champ gets two.

Christian tries to beg off, but SB moves in to dole out some more. Christian hits a Double Leg Pickup, which he flows into a Catapult. Shelton leaps to the middle buckles unharmed, however, then SOARS over Christian with a Sunset Flip that gets two and a half. Shelton sends Christian to the Heel corner with an Irish Whip, and then charges for the Stinger Splash. CC ducks it, but SB adjusts in midair to land lightly on the middle buckles. Christian grabs him from behind and dumps him to the mat in a NICE One-Handed Powerbomb deal. Charisma hangs on for the pin attempt - and gets two and a half. The Cap'n gets in the referee's grill about it, but the ref assures him it was only two, so sorry.

Tomco uses the distraction to first lay the IC strap in the ring, and then hustle to the farside and hop up on the apron to force the referee to change focus. Christian gets the belt in hand as Shelton struggles to his feet in the Nearside corner. Christian charges in, but gets a Boot in the Mush. CC staggers, dropping the belt in the process. The referee picks it up and sets it outside, during which time Christian snags Benjamin in an armtrap and Tomco speedily kicks SB's SKULL IN. The ref makes sure the belt is in safe hands outside as Charisma covers Benjamin. The ref runs over to make the count, and Christian only gets two. Again.

Christian is beside himself a few seconds, then pulls Benjamin up for a Side Headlock. Benjamin tries to counter the headlock with a Backdrop Suplex, but Christian flips free and then sends SB towards Tomco on the apron. SB sees him and tries a Front Lunge Kick, but Tomco catches it and shoves him away. Benjamin uses the momentum to SMASH Christian (coming in from behind) with the Spinning Heel Kick. Tomco can't believe it. Neither can I. Tomco? In a GOOD segment of ring-action? Truly a night o' surprises, this. While Tomco is trying to get his head together, Benjamin hits him in the belly with a Seated Dropkick, sending the Problem Solver to the floor, bouncing the man's goatee off the edge of the apron for a bonus.

From there, Shelton turns his attention to the Captain, who is only just getting to his feet. SB runs over and gives the mask a yank, which puts the eyeholes at the back of Christian's head. T-Bone Suplex from the Champ puts this puppy to bed. A spectacular effort from all three men involved. I am well pleased.

Jericho comes out and tells us that he's making a match next week between Edge and Orton, and then enjoins Fozzy to play 'I Wanna See You Kiss Him' for the Captain. (The Na-Na-Na-Na Song, in case you don't know your Oldies.) I wonder if they have to pay royalties when they do that? The crowd sings along as Christian and Tomco leave the ring.

Smackdown Rebound has Undertaker getting his ass kicked by JBL and his crew. I'm supposed to BOO the fucking Undertaker getting his ass kicked in? As if. I'd fucking pop for Goddamn HITLER if he was caving in Calloway's ass. Which I guess is redundant, since it's JBL. (Attaboy, Fiendish! Never let go!)

Commercials. For the Spike TV Videogame Awards 2004, Motley Crue will reunite. Yeah, that'll sell it. Sure.

Trish fucking with Lita replay #3, this time at the Big Wedding. Sigh. I wish I didn't already know Lita won. I really do. Oh well, whutchagonnadu?

We cut to Lita making her way through the backstage area, and she's stopped by Snitsky. Snitsky says he's all sorry that her hubby Kane can't be there for her big match, since he ended his career and all. Which reminds me...

Thank You, Gene Snitsky!!

She tries to push past Snitsky, but he grabs her and says that it's too bad her baby won't be there, either. But they both know THAT wasn't his FAULT, right? She tries to get past him again, but he yanks her all close and says, "One more thing," all growlie-like. Then "Good luck tonight," really... lightly. Changing gears like that is the hallmark of the truly bugshit, and I heartily approve. Lita skeeves and then quickly scurries away, while Snitsky smiles all big as he watches her leave. When better, I ask you?

Ross and Lawler muse about Snitsky being truly ucked-fay up-way, then Lawler shills the WWe Online Deal with his Raw Branded Laptop. Someone must've told him about the lolita newsgroups to get his ass smiling like that, hmm?

We get a replay of Vince pulling the rug out from under The Son-In-Law at the top of the show to eat up some time. Remember when that was just a shitty Paulie Shore movie? It's still pretty shitty these days, y'know?

Cut to Flair proudly showing HHH he's mastered the Speed Dial function of his cellphone, and that Bischoff is one of the numbers therein. He passes the phone to HHH, as if Bischoff would be more willing to talk to Flair than to Levesque. My mind boggles at the lapse of continuity, but HHH gets on the horn and begins to make his demands before realizing it's Eric's 'stupid answering machine'. Um, Mr. Cerebral Assassin? You were TALKING TO IT, and IT is stupid? Yes, I see.

HHH decides to leave a message. "Listen to me, I know when you left we didn't exactly see eye-to-eye, but he needs to make a Business Decision. He needs to recognize that HHH is the Franchise Player. Flair pipes in that HHH is also on the cover of Raw Magazine, so HHH passes that along to the voicemail. Flair continues, telling him that HHH has the best body in the business, which segues into a shill that book is out tomorrow - and he tells us the full title: The Making of the Game - HHH's Approach to a Better Body. HHH says it goes on sale tomorrow, the #1 Best Seller.

First off, that book title is pure Comedy Gold. Chapter One: Steroids. Chapter Two: Steroids. Chapter Three: Exercise. Chapter Four: Travelling to Mexico for More Steroids, Cheap.

Secondly, how in the pea-picking FUCK can a book be a #1 Best Seller BEFORE it goes on SALE? Does this expose the writing staff as a pack of idiots, or just these two? YOU DECIDE.

Flair continues, calling HHH the STAR of Blade: Trinity. HHH agrees, saying it's not Snipes, it's not Beals, it is HE that is the Star. He that is the Champ, cuz he Did Not Lose. And thus, Bischoff had BETTER do the right thing, or...

Batista takes the phone away from him. "I'm not gonna let you do it," he says. "It's a Huge Mistake to threaten Bischoff in an attempt to get his way, as Bischoff now Controls the Fate of the Strap." He explains that HHH needs to rein it in before he burns the only bridge to that gold he has handy. HHH demands to know whether Dave thinks HHH should just do nothing? Whether he thinks HHH doesn't deserve His Title?

Dave shrugs, saying, "As far as I'm concerned, there's only ONE... REAL World Heavyweight Champion." HHH nods, completely forgetting that Batista said that Benoit would have won it if he didn't step in last week to Save the Game. Dave stalks off, and HHH suddenly remembers what he said, looking quickly to Flair. Flair assures him that 'He meant YOU. He was talking about YOU.' HHH looks unsure.

We get a segment with the WWe going to Iraq to entertain the troops last year, which they'll also be doing this year. Just when you're sure Vince is a total bastard for life, he does something decent. I wish his shows could keep us guessing like that, but that aside I think it's a beautiful gesture of support for our troops. Thank you for this, Vince. No shit.

Commercials. Flight of the Phoenix, a classic movie that starred Jimmy Stewart, has been remade. And you thought only WWe was out of ideas, eh?

Dave and Flair oome out first, and Dave takes a moment to bow to the Naitch a la Wayne's World. Holy shit, does this mean the Lita/Trish match is gonna close the show? I'm flabbergasted. To add to how ill-at-ease I am, HHH makes his entrance. Lillian announces him as the Former World Heavyweight Champ. HHH flips out and charges after Garcia, who makes a speedy escape over the barrier and through the crowd. HHH comes back to the ring and gets in the face of the referee, then Benoit comes down the ramp to enter the Squared Circle. Jericho comes down the ramp to join him as HHH paces about in a fit of pique.

HHH will start it off, oddly enough. Benoit does the same for his team, and the two of them go to the collar and elbow. HHH using his greater size early, bulling Benoit to the Farside Corner. HHH tries to hit an Overhand Right on the break, but Benoit ducks behind him and lays in a Choppy-Woo, followed by a flurry of punches to the temple. The referee yells at Benoit for working the guy over in the corner, but Benoit caps it off with another big Choppy-Woo three-piece before Irish Whipping HHH to the Nearside corner. HHH bounces off, and Benoit LEVELS him on the rebound with a CRISP Knife-Edge Chop.

HHH trying to regroup on the mat, but Benoit is on him quickly, dragging him to the Face corner for the Turnbuckle Buffet. Tag to Jericho, but Benoit keeps HHH in the corner long enough for Y2J to get in the ring and take a free boot to the belly of HHH. Jericho continues for another few toe-kicks, then lays an Overhand Right across HHH's forehead. HHH staggers out of the Face corner to the Farside, with Jericho hot on his heels. Jericho with another three boots to the bellybutton, then he Irish Whips HHH to the Nearside and is RIGHT behind him all the way for a Dropkick to the skimmer. HHH does a nice version of the Flair Flop, only JUST bringing his hands up to catch himself at the very end. Looks pretty good, I have to admit, but Flair can still do it better. (How sad is that?) HHH scurries to the Heel corner before Jericho can lay more damage on him as the crowd chants "We Want Flair".

HHH, rather than tagging Batista, charges Jericho. Jericho takes him down with a Sidestep Trip. Jericho capitalizes quickly, laying a series of punches and forearms across HHH's head and shoulders. HHH tries to get to his feet under the fusillade, but a Short Right Hook from Y2J sends the Game down again. Jericho helps HHH to a vertical base, and then hits a Choppy-Woo. Triple H sways, then drops to one knee. Jericho grabs him by the back of the head and drags him to the Face Corner, tagging Benoit before holding HHH in place for a Free Shot from Benoit. Benoit keeps the pressure up with punches and chops, then takes HHH down with a Snap Suplex.

Benoit tries to capitalize, but HHH scoots across the ring to the Nearside Corner to beg off and maybe buy some time. Benoit takes the boots to him, instead. The referee backs Benoit off HHH, who gets to his feet once again. Benoit promptly puts The Game in The Crossface, which means it's now The Crying Game. Batista runs around to the other side of the ring and drags HHH to the relative safety of the outside. He escorts HHH to the Heel Corner and HHH gets in again as Dave hops up to the apron and extends his hand for the tag. HHH doesn't take it, deciding to instead do the collar and elbow with Benoit again. They jockey for position a little before HHH puts Benoit in the Farside Corner. HHH goes for a punch. Benoit blocks, then counterpunches. HHH staggers to the Face Corner, so Jericho gets a dig in for good measure. HHH hits the mat, and Benoit tags Y2J.

Jericho drags HHH to the Nearside Corner and gives him another Buckle Buffet, followed by a couple Choppy-Woos. Jericho makes to Irish Whip HHH back to the Farside, but then switches pivots and sends HHH back to the Nearside. HHH falls out of the ring. Dave Batista gets in there to get some offense in on the GM, but Y2J foils Dave's Back Body Drop attempt with a kick to the mush. Dave staggers back a couple steps as Benoit gets in there and runs the ropes. Jericho sees him, and they team up for a Double Dropkick that sends Batista sprawling to the outside as well. HHH gets back up on the apron as the referee tries to put Benoit back in his corner, but Benoit runs past and WALLOPS Triple H upside the dome, sending the Game flying headlong into Batista - and both of them against the barrier. They go down in a tangle, apparently having butted heads in the deal. Flair is trying to get Evolution to regroup, and Benoit is finally put back into his corner.

Commercials. Darkness, eh? Yeah, Christmas Day is the BEST time to release a horror movie. Dumbasses.

We're back, and the tide has apparently turned, since Batista has Jericho in a Camel Clutch. The crowd chants Y2J, and we see that Flair distracted the ref during the commercials long enough for Dave to Double Axehandle Jericho flat, which he followed with a Spinebuster.

Tag to HHH, who clamps Jericho in an Abdominal Stretch, then backs Y2J into the Heel corner and tags Batista back in, giving Jericho a parting shot in the form of a boot to the midsection. Dave gets into the ring, and hits Jericho with a boot to the midsection as well, which he follows up with a couple stiff right hand punches. Tag to HHH, who paces around some before setting down on Jericho to choke him across the bottom rope. The referee gets him to break, so HHH makes with the Center of Attention so Flair can get some choking in on the Acting GM from the floor. Jericho is weakly reaching across the ring towards his corner, but HHH takes him in hand for a Neckbreaker. HHH covers, and gets two before Benoit makes the save. HHH hauls Jericho up and tags in Batista. Batista takes a free stomp in as HHH holds Jericho, then he makes with a series of clubbing forearms across the top of Jericho's head. Jericho staggers to the Nearside corner and Dave makes with the Nash Choke, levering Jericho across the middle buckles. Looks brutal, since Dave's using his shin instead of his foot.

Jericho desperately tries to fight out of the corner with some kicks and chops, but Dave whips him back to the corner and flattens him with a lariat. Gets two. Dave whips Jericho to the Farside and then charges after him, but Jericho dives aside and Dave eats the middle buckle. Batista ricochets across the ring and tags in HHH, but Jericho makes a cross-ring dive of his own to give Benoit the Hot Tag. Benoit runs right through HHH with a clothesline, then lays into a struggling to his feet Batista - sending him sprawling to the floor. Flair's on the apron, so Benoit smites him too. The crowd boos at that, since Flair's the hometown boy and whatnot, but Benoit pays no heed and kicks HHH in the belly, then Irish Whips him across the ring. HHH comes off the ropes and Benoit clotheslines him to the mat. Batista is making his way back to the apron, so Jericho runs in and knocks him back off with the Slingshot Missile Dropkick. Triple H on rubber legs as Benoit backs him into the Face Corner for some spirited Choppy=Woo. Flair's back up, so Benoit runs across the ring and feeds the Nay Cha BWA a Baseball Slide, sending him tumbling on the floor. The crowd boos this, too, as Benoit notices Batista is getting back to his feet, so there's a Baseball Slide for Dave, too.

HHH has recovered during the confusion and he comes out of the corner with a clothesline attempt. Benoit ducks it and takes HHH for the Triple German Suplex ride. Benoit staggers to the ropes, so the referee checks him - which leaves enough of a window for Jericho to hit the Lionsault on the Game. The ref instructs Jericho to scram, but Benoit is already on the top turnbuckle... Diving Headbutt CONNECTS. HHH flops around a bit, so Jericho puts him in the Walls. Benoit puts HHH's upper half in the Crossface.

Dave makes the save, knocking Jericho flat and Spinebustering Benoit. Dave then steps on Jericho's chest in the corner as the Game has used the break to fetch a steel chair. HHH approaches Benoit, and the ref is warning him not to do it. HHH does it anyway, so Evolution is DQed. HHH then chairshots the referee. Dave hauls Jericho up for his chairshot, and Jericho dives aside - so Batista eats the chair instead. HHH pauses a couple seconds, then chairshots Jericho. Flair is wondering what the fuck is wrong with HHH, and he moves into the ring to check Batista. The Game doesn't look too sorry about the 'inadvertant' smash of his stable-mate. Flair is confused as only Flair can be, and HHH marches back up the ramp with nary a glance back at his buddies.

Cut to Trish in the back doing stretches. She's wearing black and pink, which means she's jobbing sure as sin even if I didn't already know she was. Some random stagehands push a dumpster around, but pause to admire her Leathered Derriere. She sends them packing, and someone else steps up. It's Lita. Trish sniffs, "Well, if it isn't the Walking Kiss of Death. Whose career you planning on ending tonight?"

"Yours," Lita replies, planting a big, wet smackeroo right on the piehole of the Women's Champ, then shoving her down. Trish looks at her like she's crazy.

Commercials. Arby's spokeman, 'Oven-Mitt' (which a shitty ripoff of the Glove from Hamburger Helper, I might add) tells us about the new Market Fresh Wraps, which I guess is meant to take a bite out of the Taco Bell market. Yeah, good luck with that. Never ceases to amaze me how many people are fighting for the "We Like to Eat Crap out of Greasy Paper and Cardboard Boxes" dollar.

Trish makes her entrance, sporting the Facemask and the strap. Then Garcia bids us to welcome North Carolina's Own... LITA. I'll pass, thanks. Oh well, let's see if this thing is as good as Clyde says it is...

They start off with a staredown across the ring at each other, then circle a bit before going to the collar and elbow. Trish is being bulled backward, so she sort of falls between the middle and bottom rope, yanking Lita to the floor with her. Trish back into the ring real fast, but Lita right behind her. Trish spins around and they stare at each other again. Lita steps forward, so Trish kicks her in the baby (Heh). Not the Momma! Not the Momma!

Shit, that was low. Even for me. Oh well, it's not like anybody ever watched that show, right?

Ahem. Trish with a right cross that wobbles Lita, and she Champ makes to drag Lita to the Farside Corner for the ol' Buckle Buffet. Lita turns and tries to feed it to Trish, instead, but Trish gets a leg up to block it - plus an elbow to shake Lita off her. Trish finally hurls Lita headlong into the top buckle, then turns her around and claws at her neck a bit. The ref warns Trish, who ignores him and lays a Choppy-Woo on Lita. Lita stumbles out of the corner, so Trish gives her the Irish Whip, which she tries to follow up with a Back Body Drop. Lita kicks her in the head to counter, sending Trish staggering back. Lita tries to push the opening with a clothesline, but Trish does the Matrix Bridge to dodge. Lita quickly changes gears and kicks Trish's legs out from under her and goes for a pin with the Single Prawn. Gets two.

Trish and Lita scramble to a vertical base, but Lita's up first and applies an Armwringer to the Women's Champ that she chains into a Side Russian Legsweep. Lita floats over for the Lateral Press that nets another twocount. Lita makes to keep the pressure going, but Trish backs her up with a Two-handed Facerake, punctuated with an overhand right. Lita goes back into the ropes and Trish comes at her again - and Lita Back Body Drops her to the floor. Ross says that the Champion is in trouble, and Lawler says, "Come on, Trish. Suck it up, baby!"


There are no words. Oh, wait. Yes there are: Unintentional Funniest Line of the Night #2.

Lita gauges the distance and then goes for a Suicida. She hits the ground like a fucking DART. Sweet Chin JESUS that was fucking UGLY. It's times like this I remember that Lita was once in ECW, lemme tell ya. They replay the Suicida, then again from another angle. The second angle makes it look even WORSE, which I thought was fucking impossible until just now. Trish slowly pulls the facemask off as Lita somehow manages to get back into the ring. Lita tries to drag Trish in with her, but Trish wallops her with the mask. Lita goes down like she's been shot, and Trish enters the ring. She pauses to Vogue a bit, then gives herself a Horowitz to clue us that her injury was pure bullshit the whole time. I gotta admit, the girl sold it like a Pro and a Half up until now. Good work, Blondie.

Trish stands over Lita, who tries to claw herself to a vertical base up Trish's leather catsuit. Trish bowls her over backwards, then makes with the Mounted Punches. She then yanks Lita nose to nose with herself before shoving her back over and stomping her in the midsection. Lita gets shakily to her feet, but Trish grabs her and gives her the Buckles over in the Face Corner. Lita goes down on one knee, so Trish climbs over her and sits on the top buckle for the Hanging Sleeper. She releases at three, but then just yanks Lita up for another dangle. Trish releases at three again, but Lita doesn't - flipping Trish off the buckles and onto her back Snapmare style.

Trish sells it like the Dickens, and Lita continues the offense with a Sleeper. Trish struggles like her life depended on it (nice selling, there, too) and then surges backward to slam Lita into the Face Corner. Lita sags, and Trish pops her upside the head a couple times, then boots her in the belly and Snapmares her to the middle of the ring. Trish clamps on the ol' R*Y*U Surfboard Variant that I haven't seen in years, and while they're doing that we get another replay of Lita's Suicida - this time in Slo-Mo. Dudes, it was an ugly spot. We know already. Lita's lucky to be alive.

Lita has managed to get her legs underneath herself, and she eases the pressure of the R*Y*U - that Trish has switched to a Seated Full Nelson. Lita elbows her way out of it, then hits a Haymaker and sends Trish to the Heel Corner with an Irish Whip. Trish attempts to float over, but Lita stops short. Trish adjusts mid-motion to go to an Anklescissor, but Lita shrugs her off. Trish lands on the apron and feeds Lita a Right Hook. Lita staggers away, so Trish climbs back to the top buckle. Lita recovers to put a stop to it with an Overhand Right. Trish sits out on the top buckle, so Lita climbs up to join her and lays in a few forearms across Trish's back. Lita goes for the Superplex, and she gets it. Both women are now down, so the ref begins the ten-count.

He gets to four before Lita rolls over and drapes an arm on Trish. It gets two. Lita and Trish get to their feet, and Trish ducks a clothesline from Lita and answers with a Crescent Kick. Lita kisses the canvas. Trish goes for the Single Prawn, but only gets two. Trish OHNOES rather well, I must say, then she hauls Lita up and pastes her with a Forearm Shiver to send her down again. Lita lurches to the Face Corner and Trish peppers her with rights, then goes to the Corner Mount for the Ten Punches deal. Lita stops her at two with a Last Ride Powerbomb.

Lita digs deep and makes her way to the top, but Trish is up as well and slows her down with a punch to the lower back. Trish tries to get a Powerbomb of her own in, but Lita reverses to a Victory Roll. Gets two. Lita up in a wink and she prepares the DDT. Trish hangs onto the ropes, though, so Lita hits the mat alone. Trish covers, using the ropes for extra leverage - and still only gets two. Trish up fast and she punches Lita in the back of the head a few times to show her frustration, then goes for the StratusFaction. Lita tries to counter with a Backdrop Suplex, but Trish counters with a flip to safety. The two girls look at each other a couple seconds, then Lita puts Trish in the Twist of Fate. Lita shakily climbs to the top buckles in the Face Corner and hits the Moonsault. Lita wins the belt in what's probably the best match I've seen from the women's division since its inception, though I'll agree with everyone else that it's mostly due to Trish carrying the New Champ. Definitely the best match of the show - which was crammed FULL of damn fine matches.

Well done, folks. Well done. I wish like hell you could do this kind of quality work every week, but these last four have been a grand run, indeed. I'll take it as an Early Christmas Present, even....

Again, this is actually pissing me off. TRP is still down, and nobody out there is really saying that the show's have been GOOD - when they certainly HAVE been.