Survival Horror
Written 11-8-04Hello, my intended...
Well, we're on week three of TRP's being down. I've talked to Dave since the last Recap I couldn't post, and I'm pleased to report that he's not willing to wrap things up until we are, which more or less means that he'll be trying to get his webhost to restore the place so we can get on with our little lives. Such as they are.
He'd also said that he'd get back to me by email around 4:00pm for a situational update. It's currently 6:15pm and there's no word - and no TRP repaired/restored. This worries me, but the best case scenario is that we're back in business without losing too much of our regular traffic... Such as it is.
Bottom line, what's at stake is - by Dave's estimate - somewhere in the neighborhood of 3700 articles over a span of about seven years uptime. Thirty-seven hundred articles are certainly not something I'd be willing to just take as a loss, although certain segments of the database are indeed FUBAR. Tony D and myself, to name two. That we know of. I'm very paranoid about stuff like that, having suffered the occasional drive failure, so there's about three sets of redundant backups of everything I've ever typed around the house (not counting CD-backups), so if we need to return to Square One it's not gonna do me much harm. Hell, since the various blogs allow one to backdate entries, I was thisclose to archiving the damn things on one of them, but since Dave's hopeful we'll get things back together soon, I'll be hopeful, too.
Which means I'll be doing the damn Recaps this week, too. Yay. You might even get to see them eventually... Yay2.
Fifteen minutes before start... Tonight's Raw is from Austin, Texas - and in full shill mode for Survivor Series. Benoit versus Edge in the Main Event, and HHH will be here to bitch and moan in person. Excitement. Excitement.
We go right to HHH bitching. To many people's dismay, your World Champion is back. (Heh. No shit, Beaker.) He sat home to teach us a lesson, and instead of getting the message, some people took it as an invitation to attack Evolution - resulting in a Flair for Injury and a Very Very Angry Batista. HHH tells us nobody would like Batista when he's angry. (Heh. Nobody likes him regardless, Beaker.) HHH says it's because of the incompetance of the GM, and that's when Bischoff comes striding out.
He explains that HHH should come to grips with the fact that the winning four of the Survivor Series Match will get to control Raw. HHH grabs Eric and drags him to the mat. Eric asks him not to force him to strip him of the title. HHH pants heavily into Eric's microphone. Batista stares at the display blankly. Nice job, Dave. Really helps the scary with the STANDING AROUND DOING NOTHING.
Eric says that HHH should concentrate on making sure his team is the winning team, if he was him. HHH screams that Bischoff is not him, and that Bischoff KNOWS that nobody here can beat him. Bischoff agrees snarkily, and then says, "Let's get back to what makes Raw so great. The ACTION." Garcia intros Batista.
And then Orton. Interesting pick for jerking the curtain, this...
Eric Bischoff's shaved pate is NOT booed - because it's not shown.
Standard Raw Intro... is also not shown.
Commercials. Are shown. Drawn Together is an animated reality show following South Park on Comedy Central. Bobo loves it.
We're back with Dave shoving Randy into the ropes. Randy counters with an arm-wringer. Dave counters with a punch to the head. Randy Whips Dave to the nearside corner and charges in to capitalize, but gets elbowed in the head. Dave tries a tie-up, Randy tries the RKO. Dave shoves him away and then bails to the outside for regroup.
Dave gets back into the ring for a quick bit of brawlies before choking Orton on the ropes and continues brawling. Orton brawls back with gusto. Dave bails outside. Orton gives chase with more brawlies peppered with European Uppercuts. Orton rolls Dave back in. Dave gets in a shot as Randy enters, then puts him in the Face Corner for additional brawlies. Orton brawls back. Dave staggers. Orton hits three flying shoulderblocks on Dave. Dave doesn't fall. Orton thumbs Dave in the eye, which he follows with another shoulderblock. Dave falls outside.
Dave back in and hits Orton in the belly with a kneelift, followed more or less by a Reverse Chinlock. HHH badmouths from the floor. Dave applies additional pressure. The crowd makes some noise for Orton. Orton gets himself to a vertical base, then frees himself with elbows to the belly. Orton brawls and then goes to the ropes. Dave sets for the Back Body Drop. Orton kicks him in the chops. Orton prepares the RKO, so HHH grabs his ankle to prevent. Dave recovers and Lariats Orton inside out. The ref yells at HHH, and then motions for the Yerouttahere. HHH gets in the ring and the ref's face. The ref sticks to his guns, and HHH is ejected. Dave is not happy as he watches HHH go bye-bye...
Commercials. Alexander. What is it about these period pieces? Much as I love history, this shit is just Rubbish. Oliver fucking Stone telling the story of Alexander? No, thanks.
Oops. Forgot to hit 'Record' on the VCR before starting. Fixed. Orton is elbowing free of yet another Reverse Chinlock. Dave hits a Neckbreaker. Gets two. Dave Super Whips Orton to the Heel corner. Orton collapses. Seems Dave bounced Orton off the steel steps during commercials.
Dave hits a Standing Suplex. Gets two. Dave goes back to a Reverse Chinlock. Again. Orton battles free with elbows. Again. Dave releases, so Orton goes to brawlies. Dave flings Orton shoulder-first into the ringpost, and then Orton falls across the steel steps to the floor. Dave smirks at the bonus, and the pulls Orton back in. Twocount for Dave. Dave changes tactics and goes for a Reverse Chinlock - with added Body Scissors.
Attaboy, Dave. Keep 'em guessing.
Orton gets loose of the Body Scissors eventually, and then... Gets back to his feet and elbows free of the Chinlock. Dave drops a few clubbing forearms on Orton and then puts him in the Face corner. Dave charges in, and Randy counters with a Drop-Toe so Dave eats the middle buckle. Orton regroups and hits a couple punches. Dave scoops Randy up for a slam, but Orton slips out and clocks Dave with the Standing Dropkick. Forearm to Dave. Orton with a clothesline sends them both to the floor. Orton follows Dave outside and then DDT's him on the floor.
Orton breaks the count to allow Dave to get back into the ring. Orton climbs to the top. Dave meets him in the corner and they struggle and punch each other some. Dave loses out, and Orton hits him with the Crossbody. Gets two. Dave recovers as Orton bounces to the ropes for speed, and Spinebusters Orton. Dave tries for the Sitout Powerbomb, but Orton counters with the Victory Roll. Gets the win. Dave is shocked. And bleeding. Dave's got a look on his face like someone's holding a loaded shotgun halfway up his ass, which I suppose he's trying to convey as 'manic evil anger'. Doesn't work.
Commercials. Annoying twentysomethings demand to know why tobacco companies don't sell 'fire-safe' cigarettes in all fifty states like they have to in New York. Good question, but isn't the POINT to get them to stop selling tobacco, PERIOD? Oh wait, no... The country would go bankrupt without the HUGE tax monies generated by smoking. Not that the United States isn't bankrupt now, mind, but still...
Benoit and Maven and Orton and Jericho are going over their wish lists for after they win Survivor Series. Dave attacks them. Three referees drag Dave away before he can get his ass kicked, which doesn't help his 'scary monster' shit one bit. Not. One. Bit.
Replay of Edge claiming it's his destiny to beat HHH for the belt, followed by Benoit winning the Tag Titles solo. Followed by Edge selling Benoit out last week and beating him down several times before making him tap out in his own Crossface.
Bloody Benoit taped interview from last week. He believes in honor, discipline and respect. And next week, his wife and kids will NOT be watching Raw, because he plans to do something UNTHINKABLE. He doesn't have any catchphrases or cool quips to end the segment, so he simply says Edge should sleep well and then walks off.
Benoit's still not too good on the mic, but he's scarier than Dave.
Commercials.
The Pistons wore replica HHH Championship belts when they were awarded their Championship Rings... Um, wasn't that LAST YEAR? Couldn't get the tape until now, Vince?
Next, Tomco the Problem Solver - accompanied by Christian - will face Shelton Benjamin. Tomco gets in an early few shots to the belly. SB hits a chincrusher. Tomco tries a Back Body Drop, SB floats over and drops Tomco in a Kneeling Inverted Backbreaker. Christian hits a cheapshot while Tomco keeps the ref busy. Tomco then covers. Gets two. Tomco slaps SB 'disrespectfully' in the back of the head. SB hops up and beats the living shit out of Tomco, followed by a leaping forearm shiver. Tomco goes down. Shelton picks him up and tries for a kick to the belly. Tomco catches it. Benji goes for the leaping Leg Lariat, but Tomco counters with a Side Slam. Not bad. Gets two.
Tomco picks Shelton up. Shelton hits a Side Russian Legsweep. Christian gets antsy as Benji whips Tomco to the Nearside and goes for the Splash. Christian pulls Tyson out of danger. Shelton eats buckles. Tomco goes for a gutwrench, but Benjamin slips out. Christian is on the apron, so Shelton superkicks him to the floor and then T-Bones Tomco for the win.
Smackdown Rebound. Tough Enough rubbish. Replay of Angle shaving Show's skimmer. Nothing to see here.
Trish is making sure her hair is okay in the mirror preparing for her Highlight Reel bit with Lita... Bleh.
Replay of Gail Kim getting her shots in before being fired... Sad, isn't it?
Commercials. Regret is the Anti-Drug. Suuure. Sure it is.
Jericho is trying to wake up the crowd so he can put over how Survivor Series will REALLY allow us to see how Raw. Is. Jericho. For one week, anyway. He's got a referee in there to make sure Lita and Trish don't tear each other to shreds on the free show with the PPV coming up. Heh.
Trish makes her way to the ring first. Jericho stares at her about one second, and then calls down The Queen of Extreme. LiiiiTAaaaa.
Lita comes down the ramp wearing one of those plastic turkey nets over her usual angsty fashion.
Trish explains that Lita is still the Walking Kiss of Death, and says having her on the Highlight Reel will lead to IT being cancelled. Jericho begs to differ, and calls Trish a slut in the process. Trish says that Lita's been out of action Way too long, and getting fat. And if Lita thinks she can get in there and win that strap she can just Keep Dreaming...
Lita monotones about the shit she's soaked up the last seven some-odd months, and all that angst? She's gonna take it out on Trish. She also says that she agrees she's the Walking Kiss of Death, so this Sunday Trish should PUCKER UP.
Snitsky comes out with a toy babydoll crying. He tells the kid to shut up, and then asks what his name is. He then asks if Lita's baby had a name. The crowd is DEAD QUIET. Snitsky offers to let Lita hold the baby, but then snatches away at the last second. Snitsky says he'll do with the baby whatever he wants, and to prove it he dropkicks it into the crowd. Snitsky marches menacingly towards Lita. Jericho gets in the way with desperate brawlies. Snitsky falls out of the ring. Jericho hits the Baseball Slide. Snitsky shakes it off as Jericho comes to the floor. Snitsky feeds Y2J the Giant Boot, and then rams him into the ringpost. Snitsky leaves him stretched on the floor as he stalks off. Lita whimpers as Ross asks 'How much more does she have to endure?' for the Unintentional Funniest Line of the Night.
Commercials. The right SUV can make all the difference, eh? How does that convince anyone to buy Ford Explorers?
Simon System Live Spot #2. Ross reads a statement that says they don't condone Dean's acts last week and while they take no responsibility for what happened to Matt after he provoked Simon, they do hope he's okay.
Nova tries to pick someone from the crowd, and picks a woman in the front row. Nova sniffs all over her and says that with her girth it's virtually impossible to take a shower, and she starts shouting at him. Her husband is about 6'6", so Nova moves on before it gets ugly. Er.
Nova works the Front Row Fatties some more... It's not remotely funny. He picks a girl named Laurel, who's about 350 and from Austin. Nova says things really are bigger in Texas, and then asks her when the last time she had sexual relations. She tells him it's none of his business. Nova says it's not her fault and that all her thin friends hang around her to look better by comparison. Laurel looks not very happy. Nova offers ninety days worth of the product. She accepts, albeit reluctantly. He mixes up some Tang for her, and then she samples it. Nova suggests it'll take about twenty gallons of it a day for her to see results. She throws the drink in his face. The Security escorts her back to her seat. Nova uses the opportunity to dump the rest of the Tang on her head and then make his escape.
Commercials. Chronicles of Riddick Director's Cut. Yeah, adding forty minutes you cut out of the movie to get it released to begin with should help it sell. As an insomnia cure, anyway. Honestly, is there anyone over the age of ten that thinks this bald-headed schmuck is cool?
The 56th National Guard Brigade is there enjoying the show before being sent to Iraq this January... God, that makes me want to puke. Triple H coming down the ramp right after that doesn't help... Not at all.
Oh, The Game will be facing Tajiri, doubtless to avange himself for the mockery last week. Tajiri comes out next, HHH is motioning for Tajiri to hurry up. Nope, Snitsky backjumps Tajiri into little pieces, then Gorilla Press Drops the Japanese Buzzsaw across the barrier. Snitsky then Giant Boots Tajiri unconscious as HHH looks on approvingly. Snitsky gets into the ring and HHH introduces him and holds out a hand to welcome him to the team.
Snitsky snatches the microphone and explains that he's never been much of a Team Player, and when they win at SS it will be all because of Snitsky. And just so HHH knows, when it's Snitsky's week to run Raw, he'll be coming for that World Title. HHH looks a bit uncomfortable. Snitsky leaves The Game standing there with his hand out... No matter who wins Survivor Series, it seems Triple H loses.
Thank You, GENE SNITSKY!
Commercials.Segment with a kid playing in a yard with a white picket fence... Oh, it's another Hassan thing. He wants us not to judge him because of being Arab. We should judge him by his talent and skill. All he wants is a chance to represent us in the WWe. The other guy explains it in Arabic.
Ross and Lawler surrender the floor to Taz and Cole, who shill the Smackdown matches to be seen on Survivor Series in Cleveland's Gund Arena...
Lawler reminds the fans at Austin that Ross is a Big O.U. Fan. The crowd boos J.R. Ross replies 'Five Wins in a Row', which might mean something since the crowd boos the Black Resistol Hat more than they booed HHH. Biggest Heel Pop of the Night, even.
Whatserface gets to interview Edge, who is just hoping to get his happy back. HHH breaks in and says that he's gonna welcome Edge to the Team, but that they've gotta keep an eye on Snitsky. Edge says Snitsky is wrong, as they won't win because of Gene. They'll win because of Edge. And furthermore, Edge will be coming after that title when it's his week. HHH looks like he's just lost another wheel. Because he did.
Commercials. (10:41) The Jax and Daxter Trilogy will come to its dramatic conclusion. Um. I should care?
We're back (10:45) to the Evolution Locker. Dave is pouting and HHH is bitching about the ingrates that should be happy he's allowed the two of them into the Main Event, and yet are planning to come after his title. HHH suggests Dave should talk to them before he's forced to 'go off on somebody'. HHH storms off, leaving the belt behind. Dave picks it up and looks it over.
Welcome back to the Stacked Deck, HHH. We missed you.
Garcia calls the Zombie down to be the Guest Ring Announcer. Zombie intros Edge (10:46) and then Benoit (10:47). Edge charges out for some preliminary brawlies. Benoit feeds him the Choppy Woo. Edge back inside, Benoit right behind him. Bell rings.
Benoit pounds on Edge some, then takes the boots to him, then a Snap Suplex. Benoit tries for the Sharpshooter. Edge skitters out to the floor to escape. Benoit out after him with punches and chops. Both of them back in, and Benoit with the Crossface. Edge hangs onto the ropes so the ref calls for the break. Edge back outside. Benoit comes to him, but Edge trips him and then drags him outside from the floor. Edge bounces Benoit off the barrier. Benoit fires back with many punches and chops.
Both men back in the ring. Benoit hits a Backdrop Suplex. Edge snatches Benoit by the tights and throws him out the ring. Benoit gets back up, so Edge hits him with a Baseball Slide. Benoit rolled back in for a cover. Gets two.
Edge stands back, allowing Benoit to get up under his own power. Edge knocks him back down with a clothesline. Benoit responds with brawlies. Edge bails out of the ring and makes an escape up the ramp. Benoit up after him, so Edge suckerpunches him and then rams him into the side of the ring.
Edge rolls out and then rolls the battered Benoit into the ring for a few Kneedrops.
Commercials. (10:53)
Back (10:56) and Edge is now rearing back on a Chinlock after hitting Benoit with a Belly to Belly Overhead Release Suplex during the commercials. Benoit gets it together and battles free. Edge beats Benoit down. Evolution music hits, so Dave and HHH come to the ring. Edge looks askance, but gets back to business with a Backdrop Suplex on Benoit as HHH and Dave converse.
Orton, Maven and Benoit come to the ring and chase Evolution back as Edge sets Benoit in the Face corner for some Forearm Shivers. Edge whips Benoit to the Heel side and charges in, but Benoit gets clear. Edge puts on the brakes, and then puts Benoit in a bearhug. Benoit headbutts free. Edge hits a Suplex, then goes to the top. Benoit back up and crotches Edge on the buckles. Benoit with a Superplex. Both men down. Five other men trying to cheer them back conscious.
Both of them on their feet by eight, so they go toe-to-toe for brawlies. Benoit hits a clothesline, then a forearm, then he hotshots Edge belly first across the top rope. Edge gets himself together on the apron, so Benoit clocks him to the floor. Benoit follows him out and bounces him on the steps, then kicks on him while he's down. Dave and HHH look ready to interfere, so the other guys back them off. Benoit catapults Edge into the steel steps.
Benoit breaks the count, then goes outside to bounce Edge's skull off the steel steps. Edge busted open. Benoit goes for the Triple German, but Edge shakes free. Benoit ducks the haymaker and clamps Edge in the Sharpshooter. Edge crawls to the ropes to break the hold. Benoit does, but then goes to pick Edge up. Edge gouges the SHIT out of Benoit's eye. Benoit hits the Triple German, then the Diving Headbutt, then the Crossface.
Dave pulls the referee out of the ring. All hell breaks loose on the outside as Y2J, Maven and Orton beat up HHH and Dave. Snitsky makes the runout to stomp on Benoit. Everybody's DQed. HHH back in the ring with Edge and Snitsky, but waits for Dave before beginning to talk to them. The Faces rush in to break up the conversation with a mob beatdown. The Heels are chased out of the ring, and then kept out... HHH makes a couple attempts to get back in there, but the good guys punch him away. Dave too.
Yes, I know. HHH coming up short three weeks in a row means that he's going to win, but it's still nice to see it. For free. That's great isn't it? I see HHH getting fucked over for free, and whomever buys Survivor Series will see HHH Beat The Odds for about forty bucks. Who do you think comes out ahead in that scenario?
Here's a hint. It ain't WWe.
You're welcome. See you SOON.