Hello, my intended...I'm sorry to say that the exploits I undergo at work cut the time pretty darn close for me getting home for the Recap thing. I've got a few interesting points to consider, though...
As ever, they continue to pitch guys nobody in the internet likes (HHH) and hold down the darlings (RVD, Y2J, etc.). It's interesting to consider that Benoit is in the main event for Wrestlemania, but most people aren't happy with it. Why? Benoit's been main event before - with Jericho, no less. They fought Austin for the title in a three-way match - much as he's getting ready to do soon.
We all know how that went, but in case you forgot: Austin made the two of them look like putzes and handily thrashed them. Benoit's neck was inadvertantly broken - and he was out an entire year. Jericho fared no better, as his credibility was pretty much shot to hell as a contender for any singles strap. How can you be taken seriously when a guy with Austin's workrate and moveset beats you and another guy at once? Sure, they gave him the Unified Belt and all, but I've said time and again that a champion is defined by his challengers. Jericho didn't really have anyone to defend the strap against with most of the 'stars' on the shelf with injuries. He was a bookmark in the annals of the Title History. That's all he'll ever be... RVD won't even be THAT much. Accept it.
If you continue to doubt, try this. Why do you think Triple H takes such pains to remind us that 'he's beaten everyone they put in front of him' sprinkled liberally with namedrops. Why do you think in the couple days prior to the title defense, he actually puts the challenger over a little? Remember how he tried to convince us - through a bit of sulking to Flair - that 'Nobody told Booker' the Book didn't have a chance. Yeah. Sounded good, right? Then what happened? Booker got pinned with one Pedigree - whilst every other main match that card took repeated finishers - Angle slams, F5s, etc. Nobody told Booker, eh? Suuuure.
So, why even bother trying to put anyone over?
Because beating someone that everyone knows doesn't have a chance isn't how you look strong. Do note that he's making quite a bit of noise about how 'the odds are stacked against him'. You think he's gonna job at Mania? You FOOL. I just think it's interesting (okay, not interesting - but certainly incongruous) that HHH, with three guys behind him (Flair, Batista, and Orton, specifically) is behind the eight-ball against TWO guys. Doesn't make sense, right? The only logical conclusion is so he can beat 'the best' again.
Accept it.
As for the other thing that has us net-guys polarized... I never liked the Undertaker. Ever. I don't care if he's a zombie or a biker. I don't like him. Never did. Never will. However, in my mind after removing the mystique of Kane by unmasking him, trying to re-establish the mystique of the comic-book style 'Dead Man' is pretty silly. What do they hope to achieve? Selling off all the leftover Spooky Taker shit in the warehouse? Wasn't the whole reason Calloway dropped the gimmick that he figured the fans wouldn't buy the hokey cartoon monster deal anymore? He was right, I have to admit that... Does the company figure enough of us older fans have abandoned ship that this would be 'something new' to the 'Escape the Rules' crowd? Taker's been a mess for a while now, physically speaking, so his time left in the ring is limited at best.
Crikey. What a way to go out, eh? I guess he figured since it worked for Hogan...
Oh well... Here we come from Atlanta, Georgia. Foley's gonna try to 'get' Evolution, somehow, and generally they're gonna shill Wrestlemania like mad. Brace yourselves, it's gonna get deep.
Standard Raw Intro. Bischoff's picture is NOT booed, which is actually puzzling to me considering what happened with WCW... They replay the whole matchmaking thing with Vinnie from last week, including Brock dishing up the F5 on Austin.
La Resistance is in the ring to start the show, protesting that they lost their match when the wrong guy was pinned... Austin comes out to break it up and bury the shit out of the two young picketers. Stunner on Conway, and the Resistance is taking a powder toute' suite. Austin has a mic, and reminds us that Brock broke the Law and flat-out pissed him off. He reminds us also that as the referee, he'll be able to address his anger management issues with both men - since he hasn't forgotten when Bill speared him a couple weeks back. He tells both of the 'mealy mouthed sumbitches' in the match that if they get in his face, he's gonna open a can all over their asses...
Vince comes out to show Austin where the 'bottom line' REALLY is, and calls Austin a lousy referee. The crowd calls Vince an asshole. Vince says he wasn't aware it would be a handicap match with Eric and Austin against him, but he's gonna fix things up right quick as only he can. But first, some rubbing Austin's face in how he got massacred by Brock. Vince suggests that Brock and Bill might set aside their differences to dump a load of damage on Austin's sorry ass. THAT's a nice thought, but of course it'll never happen.
Vince tells Austin to hop on the truckie and hit the bricks, but Austin refuses to mount - as he calls it - the Redneck Special, and notes that it'd run over anything he sees fit. He then threatens to catch up on Vince's 20 yard head start and run him down. He proceeds to do that very thing. Vince begs for his safety in the headlights of the 4x4, and VKM is chased off the ramp in the parking lot. Vince bails to the limo and Austin drives the 4x4 onto the roof of same. Vince pisses himself in there, and Austin finally lets him escape.
Commercials. Ric Flair will be hosting Wrestlemania's Ten Greatest Matches Tuesday March 9th, on Spike. That could be interesting... Oh, and they're back to shilling action figures on the show. Kids love action figures... Except kids shouldn't be up late enough to see this shit. It's a fuckin' school night! Sorry, guys.
Victoria is coming out to give us a match. She's in some sort of white tiger ensemble... She'll be facing Lita? Nope, Lita's on her tag team. Gee, I wonder who they'll face tonight?
Jazz and Molly, eh? Hoodathunkit? That one was sure unexpected... I don't want to suggest that she's getting fatter by the week, but Molly hips're brushing either side of the runway as she walks down to the ring. Molly and Jazz argue over who gets to start, and Vic starts with a schoolboy on Molly for two. Jazz and Teddy leave the ring that instant, and Victoria rolls Molly up with an inside cradle for the win at just under fifteen seconds. Vic tries to hit the bricks, and Molly is all over her in a show of sore loser heelishness. Molly bounces Vic off the steps and then off the floor - Lita doesn't help, by the way, so they have a couple spare referees drag Molly away after the damage is done to the champ. What the fuck was this shit? What the hell is the point? Is Molly's contract up soon or something?
Commercials.
HBK is walking around in the back, and Coach tries to get the interviewer thing going again. He asks if HBK and Benoit can co-exist tonight in their match with Batista and whomever. HBK say's probably not, and that'll close it.
John Hennegan comes into Bischoff's office and re-introduces himself as the winner of Tough Enough 3. He also blowjobs the shit out of Uncle Eric, claiming that he felt Bischoff was winning last week. Eric takes him as an Apprentice - Donald Trump style.
Austin barges in and talks shit about being punked and shit, like Eric's responsible or something.
Molly barges in and states her case. She was the longest reigning WC this century, and she feels she deserves a match at WMXX, adding that she'll 'do anything' to get it. Eric raises an eyebrow - but gives it to her at just under Mach Six, so she'll be up against Vic for the strap at the WM. But since Austin's there, he says she'll have to put her hair up against it, since she said she'd do anything and all. Eric winces at the missed opportunity as some bald people humor attempts to break out. It fails. Then Austin sneers at the TE3 guy as if he's beneath his contempt and stalks off.
Commercials.
Hurricane is coming out, with Rosey. It's a tag match, and the winners advance to the Fatal-Fourway at WMXX for the World Tag Titles. They'll fade Jindrak and Cade. Remember them? Me neither.
Cade and Shane to start with a collar and elbow, but Hurricane is taken down with some old-school arm-twisting. Hurricane flips free and makes with his own armtwisting. Hurricane tossed to the corner, but he floats over Cade easily and takes him down in the Oklahoma Roll for two. Tag to Rosey, who beats on Cade a bit, but Cade gets the tag to Jindrak. Tag to Hurricane. Jindrak tries a suplex, but Hurricane counters with an Anklescissors. Rosey looks on, but Cade tells the ref Rosey's trying to get in, so the ref 'stops' Rosey whilst they work the double-team. Jindrak gets a Suplex off after Cade feeds Hurricane a pendulum backbreaker. Hurricane in trouble, and the tag to Cade comes off so he can work on Hurricane too.
Cade with a headwrench, but Hurricane frees himself by biting Cade's hand. Hurricane tossed to the corner, but he catches Cade coming in with a European Uppercut. Tag to Rosey, who tears the two 'bad' guys up with bigboy moves as if they were responsible for closing his favorite buffet... Then he goes to the top for some reason, but is clocked by Cade and falls down. He's pinned by Jindrak. It's over.
Cut to Coach telling Benoit in the locker-room what HBK said about not trusting him and such. Benoit doesn't give a shit, which makes it unanimous around the world.
Commercials.
Bow Wow is in the audience. Anyone care? Thought not. Replay of some of Foley's 'interview' last week and how he said he was gonna make his way to Raw and make the asses of Evolution his own.
Speaking of chasing asses, Rico is in the ring. He is relegated to giving the introduction spiel to Stacy and Jackie regarding their WM match against Torrie and Sable... Remember when he was a wrestler? Me neither. He says that S+J are so hot, even HE notices - or words to that effect. S+J come out in gowns, and Rico talks them up a bit, putting over how hot they are. He says they put the D-Licious in Diva. I'm not kidding. Someone stop this, huh?
Kane comes out. Thanks. Rico tries to buy them time to escape, but Kane flattens him in under a second. The girls are 'frozen with fear' and Kane stalks in all smiling and shit. It buys enough time for Rico to get back up and feed a stack of kicks to Kane, but Kane no-sells it and Choke-Slams Rico. The girls escape in the meanwhile, so I guess it's a success. Kane gets a mic and talks some more of the same boring shit he's been running all month about how the Undertaker is dead and all.
Bong. Cue the blue light. Now we've got the old Undertaker symbol being burned and lifted to about the same level as the Titantron... I wish they'd thought to set fire to it when they Crucified Austin on it that time, but that's probably just the hate talking...
Commercials.
Coach now has HBK and Benoit together and asks them what they think their chances are against Evolution. Benoit says that the team of HBK and Benoit is unstoppable, but somehow he keeps getting Superkicked. HBK is talking shit about how his thing with HHH is HIS thing, and Benoit's just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Benoit isn't exactly sympathetic to HBK's need for settling things with HHH, and let's go to the intros for the tag match...
HBK comes out first to a decent pop, considering the crowd's been deader than Stu Hart so far. Benoit out next, and they make with the arguing in the middle of the ring. Evolution starts down the ramp - Orton and Batista. HBK and Benoit continue arguing a bit, and then turn to face Evolution once they get halfway to the ring.
Benoit and HBK figure out who'll start with Dave, and it's Benoit. Dave makes with the big brawling and backs Benoit to the corner. Irish Whip to the opposite side, and Dave comes in to capitalize, but is droptoed to the buckle. Benoit tries for the German Suplex, but Dave elbows free. Benoit knocks Dave down and gets the tag. Michaels with some chops, then he crotches Dave on the ringpost. HBK with some more chops, but Dave shoves him away and HBK does the Flair Flop in the corner so Dave can tag Orton. Orton whips on HBK a bit with some brawlies, then tags Dave back in. Dave whips HBK to the corner hard, and Michaels collapses. Dave covers, and it gets two. Tag to Orton. Orton with a snapmare on HBK, followed with an Elbow Drop and then a Head Wrench. He holds onto Michaels's leg and tags in Dave. Dave with some brawling, and he tries for a cover. Benoit breaks it up. Dave steps on HBK's neck and gets a four-count. Dave pushes HBK to the Evolution corner, and they work him over some. Batista and HBK go back and forth, and Dave tries for the Hanging Tree, but Michaels counters with a DDT. Tag to Benoit.
Benoit Baseball slides to Orton's legs, knocking him off the apron. He uses the time to dole out the Triple German Suplex on poor ol' Dave, followed by the Crossface. Orton tries to save Batista, but is interrupted by HBK. Orton knocked out of the ring again, and HBK backs up into Benoit, which forces him to break the Crossface and gets quickly in HBK's face. They shove each other a bit, and then punch each other... All four men are down, now.
Commercials.
Orton's got Benoit in a Surfboard. Benoit gets to his feet and slips the hold, but Orton clotheslines him to the mat and clamps on the BodyScissors while clawing at Benoit's face and choking him alternately. Benoit seems to be fading, but Benoit is trying to change his position. Orton charges in and clobbers Benoit, then lays on some pounding. The referee says it wasn't a legal tag, so Orton's back in with some more beating on the Wolverine. Tag to Dave. He bashes on Benoit some more, and gets a twocount from a lateral press. Tag to Orton, who puts on the Camel Clutch, sort of. Orton gouges on Benoit's eyes while he's at it, and demands Benoit give up. Benoit refuses. Benoit gets his legs under himself to take some of the pressure off, and Orton doles out the old 'Bee Sting' to flatten him and tag in Batista. Batista clamps on a Half-Crab and drags him to taunt Michaels. Dave picks him back up and tries something, but eats an Enzuigiri. Benoit crawls to his corner, but Dave tags in Orton and Randy lays some more waste on Benoit. Benoit manages to get the tag, and HBK dishes up the Manhattan Drop on Orton. Batista comes in, but is tossed over the top rope to the floor. HBK picks Orton up for a Body Slam, and punctuates it with an Elbow Drop off the Top. Strike up the Band, but Dave breaks it up. Benoit breaks Batista up, and then goes to the top for the Headbutt. Orton battling back shoves HBK into the ropes, and that'll crotch Benoit on the top. HBK makes to continue - pinning Orton, but Benoit falls on him with the headbutt to break up the pin semi-accidently. Michaels and Benoit wind up fighting a bit - and Orton schoolboys HBK for the upset win. Benoit and HBK begin brawling each other, but HHH comes out with Flair and they bash the both of them 4 on 2. All in all, a pretty good match spoiled by a shitty screwjob ending. AGAIN.
Commercials. Scooby Doo 2, eh? That settles it. God either hates me or just likes watching me get ulcers.
HHH watching the replay of their punking on HBK/Benoit, and HHH is all happy. Then they see that Foley's there walking around. HHH tells the boys that they'll finish shit off proper with Foley's weekly beatdown.
The Highlight Reel is up? OOps, nope. Christian is stealing the spot again, but I hope he calls it the Peep Show again. Christian looks all pleased with himself, and they show the replay of him clotheslining Trish inside out. Christian explains the Highlight Reel isn't on tonight, but calls it the Peep Show so I can smile a little. He then boasts about clotheslining Trish's head clean off, and then putting her in the Walls. Then putting her into his hotel room and making her scream some more... Good God, not another rape angle. Christian explains that he did it all for Jericho, as Trish was fucking things up between the Canadian Jobber Duo and had to be dealt with 'tough love style' so they could get back to laying down for any other two guys in the back. Christian then talks some more shit about handling matters 'as a true friend' for Jericho's own good, and Jericho walks out looking like he's ready to fucking murder Christian.
He proceeds to do precisely that. He pounds all over Christian with an intensity he hasn't shown since... Wow, it's been a while, huh? Christian bails out after buying some time with a kick to Y2J's bum wheel. Jericho calls all sorts of names after Christian, who continues to flee the scene.
Commercials.
Replay of the Austin Littlefooting on Vince's Limo, in case you were lucky enough to miss it the first time.
Shilling of Wrestlemania, with a breakdown on the matches booked. Look it up on their site if you care, I'm taking the opportunity to go piss...
Cut to the parking lot, and it seems someone's got Austin's Grasshopper on a flatbed and drives away with it.
Cut to Evolution getting some last minute instruction from Triple H on how they should handle Foley before he gets into his own limo and leaves.
Commercials. (10:42) I wonder how they're gonna fill up the next 18-22 minutes..? They couldn't possibly pound on Foley THAT long, could they?
RVD coming down the aisle now... It's a non-title tag match, so Booker's out next. We've already seen La Resistance and Jindrak/Cade, so does that mean they'll face the Dudleyz?
Nope. Matt Hardy (who paid cash for his home and has more money than you) and his partner Test. Yeah, that makes sense, if you do shrooms... Booker and Matt start off, and Booker with a hammerlock. Hardy elbows loose, but Booker brawls him down and then hits a Backdrop Suplex after tagging RVD. RVD hits the ring and starts in on Hardy, knocking him down. RVD goes to the ropes for momentum, but gets his leg grabbed by Test on the outside. RVD goes out to deal with things, and gets a Baseball Slide to the back from Hardy. Test then carries him over to the ringpost and slams him back first into it. RVD rolled back in, and Matt tags Test. Test with a Pendulum Backbreaker on Robbie, and then a Bearhug. Tag to Hardy. Tag to Booker, who takes on both Test and Hardy, gaining the upper hand, even. Bookend on Hardy gets two, but Test saves him. Hardy gets back up and is clotheslined out of the ring by RVD. Booker tries to get the Scissors kick on Test in the confusion, but Test ducks it and tries the Pumphandle. Booker gets loose and hits the Spinebuster. Booker to the ropes, but is grabbed by Hardy. Test comes in to capitalize, but hits Mattitude instead. Test eats the Scissors Kick, then the Five-Star. Booker pins him. It's over.
Cut to the back, and Foley's finishing taping up his fists before he stomps off, probably to the ring.
Commercials. (10:56)
We're back, and here comes Foley (10:58) to the ring. The crowd chants his name, and he grabs a mic and explains how last week he said he was gonna be on a plane to Atlanta - and here he is. He explains how he said last week Evolution'd have hell to pay - and here they come. Foley's back to the corner, and Orton has a mic. He's not impressed at Foley's attempt to put the fear of God in them, but now that everyone's here, he'd like to know how Foley'd like to handle this. They can do another beatdown OR Foley can agree to a one-on-one 'Legend VS. Legendkiller' at Wrestlemania.
Foley says what we all know, that there'll never be a one-on-one with Orton - but he has a counter offer. Evolution against him, and a partner of his choice. How about that?
Orton's not happy, since he's heard the rumors about Mr. Bigshot Hollywood. But Orton says Foley should call him, and they'll make sure neither of them can walk out the place... Foley leaves to do so, but then explains that while he said he was coming to Atlanta - he didn't say he'd be alone, and asks why don't they say such things to the guy's face right now?
If you SMELL-lalalalalalala.
Rock and Sock thrash the Passion of the Christ out of Evolution, and Orton gets clamped in the Mandible Claw and then eats the People's Elbow. Rock's got a goatee... It doesn't suit him. Rock says that the beatings of the Foley days are over, and that Evolution has agreed to face the most electrifying tag team ever - Rock and Sock Connection. Rock talks in rhyme a skosh, and puts him and Foley over.
If you SMELL-lalalalalalalala.
Close the curtain. That'll do it.
Sigh. I wish the rumors weren't true almost as much as Evolution is scripted to... Hell with it. I've been saying all month that you should save your money.
I'm still saying it.
You're welcome. See you SOON.