Hello, my intended...
First off, I'm going to say that I'm starting to like the 'Accidental Geek' they have in Coachman... He's got that 'I wanna be cool, so watch me screw it up' vibe, and that's comedy gold. Anyhoo, they paired him up with Dustin's ex-old lady... Terri, who is roughly forty-six light years from looking as good as she did as Alexandra York, and is now.... Geeze. She looks like Chucky with a blonde wig and fake tits. Christ, Father Time hates her fuckin' guts, there's no other explanation.
They get to share the show with Taz and Cole. Taz is working some sort of GQ deal (badly), and Cole looks like Potsie stole Fonz's jacket... Except Potsie is cooler. MUCH cooler. Not that Potsie is cool, mind you, because he's clearly not. Which means Cole is lugging the National Deficit of Cool, and it's not even funny because you can tell he KNOWS how uncool he is... At least Coach pretends he is cool, which gives it a comedy spin when he does the Charleston... Cole? I've had cooler guys deliver my fuckin' pizza. THIS is the guy that helps Taz call the Smackdown, and they wonder why the ratings are slippin? Would COOL people hang out with a guy like Cole if there wasn't someone off camera holding a gun on them? Even then, I think they'd try to make a break for it, so I guess Taz has slipped to semi-cool...
Nice non-sucking Edge vs. Eddy match. Wonder how they'll follow this up and make me hate them again? Oh, yeah... Undertaker... Right. Yeah, that'll do it. We get to see some of the 'feud' the bad ol' Undertaker had with the guy half his size. Y'know, as I look at the Red Devil logo, I have to wonder: Is Taker an Autobot or a Decepticon? The weakest looking chokeslam of all time, and from the top of a ladder... Yeah, we can all see what Markie transforms into now.
Mysterio is coming? Again? I thought they just got rid of him...? Hey, look, I remember that one... Angle's gayest suit, EVER: The Olympic Candystriper. Nice action, though. This reminds me why I love that little masked runt, and that leads to reminding me that they set him on the shelf to make Mr. Albert Whutyuk look tough. (When you see him you say 'Whut?' - and when you see him wrestle, you say 'Yuck') That sucks. Oh yes. That sucks. The match reminds me of the feud Rey had with Lex Luger, but at least this time Rey's feuding with a wrestler... Just not a GOOD one. Maybe next time?
Now we get the Hogan/Rock debacle... Y'know, as much as has been said about how bad this sucked, I think heaping anything else on it is just too easy. Though you've got to be worried when THIS counts as some of the best of 2002 to the brilliant minds at WWe... And if that doesn't worry you, then the likelihood that they're somewhat right certainly should.
And yet, before that, we get 1999's tribute to Owen Hart... God knows I loved the Nugget, but when they have to use his death to pad out the Best of 2002? I dare anyone to find something that sucks worse than that. Not just in 2002. In HISTORY.
Lugz Boot of the Week is from FEBRUARY? Hogan drives a rig through the 'ambulance' containing Rock... Afterwards, we pan through an empty arena (Get used to seeing THAT, boys.) to Taz and Cole for the intro to the Hulk/Rock match. Jesus, this match made me sick the first time, and I apparently haven't built up an immunity... Nuff said.
You know what? That's a serious one-two punch of suck... But look, they're gonna give us some HHH/Michaels matches... But before that, let's have a WWe Rewind... (Say, I thought that was the whole goddamn show?) And they show us Eric Bischoff returning... Yay. You know what? I think I'll eat some glass... Yeah, that should make me feel better. It is sheer morbid curiosity that keeps me tuned in, as I hedge my bets as to what they'll close the show with. Smart money says 'Internet Geek Pandering'...
Smart money is right! Edge vs. Angle, Rock vs. Brock, and then Tittie to Lillian Garcia's latest (s)hit... Followed up by that Raw 4-Way, TLC from the Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal episode... Though I must say I was disappointed that they kept the commercial interruption in the exact same place they had it in TLC-STW. Poor planning, or do they shut off the cameras during the commercials? You decide. Four spots, only 25% suck, 0% if you were fast enough hitting the mute button... Heh. Yeah, looks like they really want us to stay, dudnit? Yeah, alright. I guess I will... Happy New Year, folks.
You're welcome. See you SOON.