I was approached by one of my TRP co-workers (Annie by name, whose article 'Annie's View' is still found all over the internet) to contribute to her Pick the Winners of the PPV column. I did so, and here it is.

Hello, my intended...

Well, it seems the finalized the card with JUST two days to spare, and wouldn't it be nice if they had done so, I dunno, while there was still a show someone WATCHED that you could build any of the non-HHH/HBK matches on? Ah, well, further proof that it's not a perfect world, I'd suppose... Now to the pickings of the winnas:
 

• Kane versus Batista: The Big Red Machine has been having a monkey wrench thrown into his gears like nobody's business with this kid that may or may not be aligned with Flair for no good reason I can ascertain... The kid could use SOMEONE to put him over, and the tandem of Flair on the stick and Kane on his back should do about as much as it's been doing for him. Yeah, he's got the charisma of a bundle of wet newspaper, but at least he's got... a Sitdown Powerbomb. Okidoki. Anything else? Yeah, there's some untapped potential there... Really. Good thing I never liked Kane, because this will flush his career like the Necro-Mess never could.
• Who I want to win: Kane, just to be different.
• Who I think will win: Batista, via another Flair implemented screwjob in order to keep this feud going another couple months... Yay.

 

 

• A-Train versus Edge: Edge wants to take the A-Train, derail it if you will, as revenge for him destroying Rey Misterio just when their tag team started gathering steam... Albert wants to squish another guy that's like half his size to show us how tough he is. Right, that's working GREAT for Steiner... Sesame Street Grudge Match, as Harry Monster battles Bert for the... Well, for the letter 'L', and the number '7', I dunno... Strange that the Ross Report said they were giving Edge the weekend off, so if he shows it's gonna be a three minute squash.
• Who I want to win: Harry Monster. Sesame Street has been sucking since they traded him in for Elmo and Tully... Sucking HARD.
• Who I think will win: Harry Monster. Probably with some other vicious injury causing thing that will give Edge some time off and cement A-Train's 'dangerousness' as a career ending monster. Right. I can hear the fans chanting now... FUR-BERG.... FUR-BERG....

• Benoit versus Eddy: These two are, well, pretty likely to steal the show. Therefore, I figure they'll keep their match under ten minutes so as not to overheat the crowd. If they do a Steiner run-in, this is probably where it'll happen...
• Who I want to win: Benoit. Not because I like him better than Eddy, mind, it's just that Chris hasn't won diddly on his own on a PPV in so long that he's due.
• Who I think will win: Eddy. Probably via a run-in from Chavo. Yeah, we haven't seen THAT before, meng. This is the feud that doesn't end.... Yes, it goes on and on, my friend... Ed and Chris start working it, not knowing what it was... And they'll keep right on working it forever just because this is the feud that doesn't end.... Yes, it goes on and on, my friend! (SLAP!) Okidoki... Moving right along....

• Trish versus Jacqueline versus Victoria: Yeah, this match has some promise... Trish can never beat Victoria, Victoria can never beat Jacqui, and Jacqui can never beat Trish... Paper, Rock, Scissors, only with boobies... This match is doubtless everyone's bathroom break, because the build is minimal and the belt is pretty unimportant. Two great tastes that taste great together... Whoever wins this likely has to face Jazz on her return next month, and that's going to make whomever wins the real loser. Jazz destroys all. ALL the time. But I digress...
• Who I want to win: Victoria. Only because she'll be thrown to face a pretty grumpy Jazz, who will by now have taken some exception to what they've made of the WC in her hiatus. Which will be eight seconds or so before she turns Vic inside out and makes Stevie wear her as a hat.
• Who I think will win: Victoria, likely through some run-in by Stevie. Mostly because they'd NEVER have two black champs in a row, even if they ARE chicks.

• RAW Tag Team Championship: Team CanEurism vs. The Dusty Books vs. Clan Dudley vs. Hard Luck Canucks: This is about as overbooked as a match gets this side of Survivor Series or War Games... At least they gave us a match that we've only seen for free like eleventy-jillion times... More spots than a Disney Dalmation movie, and just as pointless.
• Who I want to win: The Dusty Books. I want Lil Dust to get over this Weak Link falderall and YESTERDAY, so a big win will do nicely.
• Who I think will win: Clan Dudley. The place went berserk when they 'almost' won the seventh Tag Title of their careers, and the powers that be can't ignore the fact the casual fans love them...Well, at least not forever... Okay, fine, they're going to give it to Team CanEurism. I know it. You know it. EVERYONE knows it. HAPPY?

• US (Undisputed Sorta) Heavyweight Championship: Angle and Lesnar versus Show and Heyman. Yeah, I know. Angle is everyone's favorite what with the whole possibility of him facing Brock as his first defense... But, see, that's more of a Wrestlemania thing, so forget it. If I know my Heyman, look for Lesnar to turn on Angle and the whole suspension thing being a swerve leading up to Show and Lesnar as a Tag Team/Heel Dynasty. I can see it called either the Monster Squad or Dangerous Alliance 2.0, and the death of the 'You Suck' chant at Angle once and for all.
• Who I want to win: Show. It's too soon to go to the Angle/Lesnar thing, so let's tease it with a nice swervie, I sez.
• Who I think will win: Show. Though most of the match will likely be spent on Heyman trying to avoid a Brocking, when the NCAA Champ catches up with him, I expect hugs and high fives, punctuated with a PERIOD as Show chokeslams a flabbergasted Angle. See, we can't have two faces go at it, so Lesnar's back with Paul E. and a heel, and that should be a nice build timeframe for a 'Dream Match' with Lesnar/Angle, which we'll probably be cheated out of a month or two first...

•  The Only Belt That MATTERS: Triple H versus Shawn Michaels... God's Favorite Wrestler versus God. Yay. This is SO going to the third fall... Accept it. Likely this will be no less than seventy minutes worth of 'suck it', with them killing the crowd and Production piping in one that likes what they see from the tape archives...
• Who I want to win: HHH. Just because Zenk will swallow his own skull in the Year in Review over it... Heh.
• Who I think will win: HBK. I hate him a SMIDGE less than HHH, and this feud can lead any number of places.. There's 'Hell' and "Hades' and 'Purgatory', for instance, but I digress... I see Flair botching a run-in during the Streetfight and getting Hunter pinned and himself fired to be Batista's manager full-time. HBK getting the crushing in the cage to cement him as the 'good guy' overcoming all the odds in the Ladder match, as he's probably already claiming is God's Will. C'mon, how can someone on GOD's side lose? It's in the Book, people.

So there you have it, gentle readers... The Armageddon picks according to the Man, the Myth, the MONSTER that IS Mr. Bobo Quite Fiendish...

You're welcome. See you SOON.